8:29- Did we switch to blurnsball while I wasn't looking?
8:30- Did I switch to bourbon while you weren't looking? Why...yes, I did.
8:31- Matt Holliday wasn't in the same stadium as the base, he was just cold runnin' tackling drills. His desire to hurt people pleases me.
8:33- That one almost hit the fifth Molina brother!
8:35- Dear baseball- Damn girl, you're fucking fantastic.
8:36- McCarver: "The Rangers did look a guh-...nevermind." DID HE FINALLY STROKE OFF? HAVE WE WON? CAN THE EWOKS FINALLY SING "YUB YUB"???
8:37- After reformatting his hard drive (by pouring hydrogen peroxide in his ear), McCarver finally gets his thought out: "The Rangers did look a gift horse in the mouth." Listen, defensive lapses in this inning, but I don't think that's from them being overly critical of someone else's generosity.
8:38- After striking out, Punto raises the bat high into the air like he's going to smash it on the ground, then doesn't. CONSISTENCY! Even in rage, he can't put wood on anything! #Sob
8:41- Below- in one of the several mongrel threads that seemed to have formed tonight- Mike Whitlow notes my wild mood swings. This is true, I'm quite losing my mind. But seriously, baseball is fantastic, and this game- for all the soul-felching pain of it- is so much fun to watch.
8:42- AND THEN DAVID FREESE HAS TO GO AND BURP A FART.
8:43- Freese should have his NLCS MVP award taken away, then shoved up his ass.
8:44- BRB, I've got to go count backwards from 1000 by 7s and think about warm brownies.
8:46- OH WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT WHY GOD WHY WHY WHYYYYYYYYYYYY
WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT?
EVEN ALFONSO SORIANO WOULD CATCH THAT BALL, AND HE'S STILL GOT HIS LEG STUCK IN A BUCKET!
8:48- Twitter is, all of a sudden, talking about the 1919 Black Sox. Guys, isn't, "They're just little turd-monglers out there" a simpler explanation?
8:53- To be fair to Lewis, he didn't look any worse than Holliday has with 2 outs and RISP. #OccupyLeftField
8:57- My favorite part of a baseball game is when there's three whole outs before the Cardinals' fuckdickery can cost them another run.
9:00- Lance Lynn looks like the guy who knows the age of consent laws in every state.
9:06- Rally towels are played out (and apparently, ineffective). Fans in the STL should throw feathers instead.
9:12- That last "strike" wasn't in the same place as the previous pitch- it was further outside the strike zone. Horseshit.
9:14- Berkman's playing like that diamond in his hand is about to start flashing.
9:16- McCarver: "The reason Colby Lewis is winning this game is...first pitch strikes." Are you sure? 'Cause I have this little theory that a DROPPED INFIELD FLY PUTTING A RUNNER ON WITH NO OUTS has a lot more to do with it.
9:18- McCarver says Lewis is "wearing Holliday out". I thought CW was the longer an AB goes on, the more it swings to the batter?
9:19- My lips to some horrible prankster demon's ears, I suppose.
9:20- Hey, David Freese, remember how you got your dick stuck in a butter churn on that popup? No one else will if you take care of business here.
9:23- Buck- "This is when the national passtime is at its best." No, this is when it most resembles my hated South Park ep where the boys keep trying to intentionally lose games.
8:48- Twitter is, all of a sudden, talking about the 1919 Black Sox. Guys, isn't, "They're just little turd-monglers out there" a simpler explanation?
8:53- To be fair to Lewis, he didn't look any worse than Holliday has with 2 outs and RISP. #OccupyLeftField
8:57- My favorite part of a baseball game is when there's three whole outs before the Cardinals' fuckdickery can cost them another run.
9:00- Lance Lynn looks like the guy who knows the age of consent laws in every state.
9:06- Rally towels are played out (and apparently, ineffective). Fans in the STL should throw feathers instead.
9:12- That last "strike" wasn't in the same place as the previous pitch- it was further outside the strike zone. Horseshit.
9:14- Berkman's playing like that diamond in his hand is about to start flashing.
9:16- McCarver: "The reason Colby Lewis is winning this game is...first pitch strikes." Are you sure? 'Cause I have this little theory that a DROPPED INFIELD FLY PUTTING A RUNNER ON WITH NO OUTS has a lot more to do with it.
9:18- McCarver says Lewis is "wearing Holliday out". I thought CW was the longer an AB goes on, the more it swings to the batter?
9:19- My lips to some horrible prankster demon's ears, I suppose.
9:20- Hey, David Freese, remember how you got your dick stuck in a butter churn on that popup? No one else will if you take care of business here.
9:23- Buck- "This is when the national passtime is at its best." No, this is when it most resembles my hated South Park ep where the boys keep trying to intentionally lose games.
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