6:57- After many days of ruminating- and god save me, did I spend the last few days ruminating- it occurs to me that Game 5 was pretty much exactly what you're secretly terrified of when you hire Tony LaRussa. Granted, no one's hired TLR in fifteen years, and nobody probably ever will again (just because he'll probably retire), but when you do, you think about, y'know, post season experience, his magic with marginal players, his rapport with veteran superstars, his expertise in matchups, Dave Duncan...
...and yet. Somewhere, in the dusty corners of your brain, there's a tiny little voice saying, "He IS a mad scientist. And sometimes, those guys make shit blow up."
7:01- It's gotta be like hiring Robert Downey Jr. You think you're getting something brilliant- and you probably are!- but what happens if he goes on a 24-day glue-stick-huffing bender and is arrested for selling dolphin meat to the North Koreans? Well, what CAN you do? When the Rube Goldberg machine that is Tony LaRussa's management breaks down, there's no plan B. Or rather, there is, but you can't reach it on the bullpen phone.
7:04- Alright, enough of me pretending to know anything. There's at least one more Cardinal baseball game this season. I'm not going to spoil it for myself by worrying about Game 179.
7:05- I'm watching on Fox tonight. God, if there is a god, save my soul, if I have a soul.
7:07- The over under on when I get frustrated and switch over to the NBC comedies is "Parks and Recreation". Place your bets!
7:08- Tim McCarver: "What's really impressive is the way he approaches his talent." I'm moving the over under up to the third commercial break of Community.
7:11- McCarver- "Oh, those devilish walks!" Oh god, shut up so hard.
7:12- It seems like the Rangers don't suffer many double plays. I have no stats to back that up, but it's not stopping McCarver.
7:16- Jamie, it's better to strike out the guys BEFORE the team scores. PRO TIP.
7:17- That one half-inning lasted 73 minutes, right? It wasn't just me?
7:19- Nothing has ever been smarmier than Ashton Kutcher in these stupid camera commercials. I mean, I'd buy that camera, but doesn't the thick layer of douche on the lens ruin the pictures?
7:20- Joe Buck is more enthusiastic about plugging Taco Bell than anything else in this broadcast.
7:22- I just figured it out- Ron Washington is grown up Urkel, isn't he? ISN'T HE? DON'T YOU LIE TO ME!
7:23- Skip Schumaker singles to right center. "Wow, I can't believe Mr. Magillicuddy was the diamond thief this whole time!"
7:24- Berkman, 2-run HR to center field. He hit that ball a foot for every year old he is.
7:26- Berkman, with his sweaty hair, looks like old, fat, totally-jacked-up-on-quaaludes-but-still-asking-Nixon-to-make-him-a-DEA-agent-and-oh-yeah-somehow-getting-a-gun-all-the-way-to-the-Oval-Office Elvis.
7:29- First inning over. Time for four innings of fine, beachwood-aged misery before the next runs.
7:32- Holy shit, #OccupyMyBlog!
7:33- Whitlow, your mom's around? Can I come over?
7:37- A 5-6-4 double play off of Lewis' bunt. That's pretty much the textbook model on how to do that play.
7:39- There are no less than 2 people dressed like Waldo in the crowd. WTF, is it 1992 again already?
7:40- Another left field would have a chance on that ball. But Matt Holliday has the legs of an Easter Island statue...
7:42- Again, if our corner outfielders didn't have repurposed cast-iron skillets for legs...
7:44- Joe Buck: "Rangers President Nolan Ryan...watching with the rest of us!" I love it when Joe Buck just notices someone in the crowd, then quickly has to act like he was actually making a point.
7:45- HA HA HA sob sob sob. http://i.imgur.com/DDSld.jpg
7:49- Home plate umpire: "Not a good way to start the game, Yadi, gettin' drilled right off the bat." Jesus christ, Ump, who the fuck asked you?
7:50- Changing my mind already. I kinda love the idea of the ump talking shit to all the guys as the game goes on. "Wow, Garcia, you must think the Rangers are your pet lhasa apsos, you're walkin' 'em so much."