Thursday, October 27, 2011

7th Inning Kvetch

11:45 - If history has taught us one thing, and judging from the state of our country it's not entirely sure history has taught us anything, it is that tonight East St. Louis shall burn.

11:43 - That is not dead which can eternal lie.  And with strange substitutions even the Rangers lead may die. 

11:42 - From Brian Richards:  "They need to play the evil laugh from Mr. Freeze right now at Busch Stadium."


11:39 - Hey Freese, "chill out."

11:38 - I will not be satisfied until TLR puts a fielder in at relief.  Or maybe he's intentionally drawing this out until we can't blame him for warming himself up on the mound?

11:33 - Okay seriously, do bullpens have more roster spots than NBA teams?

11:30 the second - Hey, a 1 out single.  How many times have we seen that tonight?

11:30 - I guess we need a new "Play of the Game".

11:26 - YAY!  WE TIED!  That's enough for now guys.  Ground it to third and let's play some DEFENSE!

"11:21- Pelztovitch try to convince Colby to give up hope, like Cubs fan. Like common, drunken Cubs fan. But Colby is drunk in his own way, isn't he?"
-> In S(ovie)t Louis, alcohol drink Colby!

11:20 - Only God could write the kind of poetry that sees a Texas native beat the Texas team...

11:18 - In honor of Craig's palpitations I am renaming the AL the Angina League.

11:14 - Okay, I think Craig's got it.  Nolan Ryan is about to come out there and finish this off himself.  That or TLR's gonna warm Ryan up in the bullpen for the Cards.

11:12 - Craig, does TLR pinch hit Pujols for the pitcher and just say fuck it, let him pitch in the 11th?

11:11 - I think at this point you put starter jackets on the baserunners.

11:10 - I'm glad Jay's mom let him stay up late for this game.

10:58 - And Pujols decides to join the game.

10:57 - I'm going to take credit for this, seeing as how I posted a youTube clip of the rally squirrel to a Rangers' fan's facebook wall.  I see no reason not to.

"10:53- I have no idea what an Astros fan would do. Mike?"
-> Astros fans have never been in a situation where we didn't get swept in the Series.  So they'd probably lynch an innocent man.  Is Lidge available?  I would say riot, but half the state is on fire as it is.

10:52 - McCarver wants Napoli to drop the mask, take the ball, and finish this batter off himself.

10:51 - SERIOUSLY DUDE.  "Ice to see you again."

"10:44- And, okay, Pujols gets a hit. But for Buck, the first thing he has to mention is that it might be Pujols' last hit as a Cardinal. Seriously, this is a consistent fucking pattern from Buck, and I don't get it. Did he leave STL under a dark cloud or something?"
-> He lost his buhymen in STL.  It's kinda like losing your heart in San Francisco, but involves blood stained undies.

10:46 - I was gonna say if Berkman didn't swing for the fences on that last pitch I'd eat Craig's hat.  I'm glad the pitcher took that out of the equation.  That hat is nasty.

10:44 - Well goddamn.

10:43 - For the record, rally squirrel hats are awesome.

10:29 - Wow, that was like a 30 minute make-out session that ends with the girl excusing herself to put on a french maid outfit, getting down on her knees, opening her mouth, and then you punch yourself in the dick.

10:28 - Craig's heart beat right now.  Over/under 120 bpm?

10:25 - I think Joe Buck is offended that the Cardinals insist on playing 9 innings.

10:23 - Seriously, bc that means at least once a game the catcher is going to call for a shot at your head.  Freese could set a record for concussions AND on-base percentage.

10:22 - If I were Freese everytime I got to the batter's box I would tell the catcher "Ice to see you."  EVERY.  FUCKING.  TIME.  (That might be the Cane & Ebel talking)

10:19 - I gotta side with Craig on this one.  The difference in excitement levels with which the announcers announced that HR vs the last Rangers HR was tangible.

10:17 - I kinda wish the announcers would do the same thing fans do when they think the game is over.

"10:08- Buck...shut up about the goddamn contract, would you? Here, here's what let's do- print out a copy of Pujol's CURRENT contract. Check the ending date on it. Double check. THen roll up the contract and shove it up your ass."
-> I did threaten to get a Pujols jersey of he came to the Cubs.  Craig threatened to burn it...while I wore it.

10:02- Wal-Mart, way are all your commercials predicated on your customers being idiots? I mean, I know WHY. But c'mon, hide that shit, company's coming over.

10:01- This guy singing "God Bless America" is fucking awesome. GET HIM A CONTRACT.

10:00- Cardinals fans, stop being so fucked-by-vanilla-ice-cream nice. THROW SOME BATTERIES. THROW A CHAIR. THROW A STRIKE, SOMEONE SHOULD.

9:59- So gifted at finding, what I don't like the most...

9:59 - Michelle just sent her condolences regarding the fact that Dotel is pitching.  (MW)

9:58- *long sip of whiskey* You been puttin' up with my shit just way too long...

9:56- And I always find, yeah I always find something wrong...

9:55- Oh god...the swirling darkness....(CWC)

9:52- Uncharted 3 gives me a reason to continue living. (CWC)

9:51- OH GOOD, LARUSSA'S GONNA MAKE SOME SWITCHES. Maybe the fucking Verizon "Can you hear me now?" guy will pitch next. (CWC)

9:49: Buck: "Berkman hits a home run to right field. BUT LET ME TELL YOU MORE ABOUT THE ONE GAME DEREK HOLLAND DIDN'T PITCH LIKE A WELSHMAN!!!" (CWC)


9:44- I'm pretty sure the Rangers are up now, but Buck and McCarver are just going to say that the Rangers do everything right no matter what the video shows, so I'm not certain. (CWC)

9:43- McCarver: "He blocks the base...then he breaks the tie." Well, Tim, for you, being half wrong is actually an improvement.

9:42- Buck: "You have to assume that Holiday injured his hand." I do not. I can just asume that Holiday sucks, as he has this series. (CWC)

9:38- Buck, seriously, Holland has pitched other games than Game 4. (CWC)

9:37- The worst thing about baseball is that Ron Washington has done three dozen stupid moves, and they'll all get wiped away if the Rangers win. But LaRussa's bullpen phonefuckery will be remembered forever. Which, it should. But so should Wash's complete inability to use Ogando correctly. (CWC)

9:34 - I'm going to assume that was the Rangers being like "Hey guys sorry about that 3rd base business.  We can't give you the out back, so how about we just load it back up and call it squares?"  (MW)

9:33- The ball squirts passed Napoli. No throw as the runners advance. The third base ump calls Freese out. McCarver agrees, and passes Napoli a mash note after study hall.

9:31- McCarver, suck Napoli's dick all you want- you can even pop out your dentures if that makes it easier- but Holiday got his hand around that foot before the tag.

9:30- Because if so, Okay.

9:29- DOES NO ONE WANT TO WIN THIS DAMNED GAME? Are you pie-fucked shit-badgers having so much fun, you don't want this to end?

9:27- That was called a ball? Either the ump is wearing fun-house lens glasses, or I am.

9:24 - The Rangers let the bases load without the ball leaving the infield and the Cardinals replaced their baseball gloves with boxing gloves.  Thanks a lot Obama.  This is what socialism looks like.

9:21- It's like the scene in Back to the Future where Biff gets the almanac, only rape-ier.

9:20 - Craig, your baseball knowledge exceeds mine.  You know the obscure rules.  What happens when the number of cumulative errors between sides exceeds the number of innings played?

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