Sunday, February 5, 2012



7:26- NBC's director, to Brady, on those still pictures: "Okay Tom, now, I need you to look like the douchiest douche that ever cleaned out a vagina. Aaaaaaaaand GO."

7:32- I don't fucking care what men do, I'm gonna watch the shit out of SMASH.

7:33- I'm still waiting for Madonna to reappear. POOF, SHE'S PLAYING RIGHT TACKLE NOW!

7:38- The Patriots have decided that hurting people is just as good as winning.

7:40- Goddammit Fiat, now I'm gonna get a boner when I see one of those cars.

7:41- BONUS ALTERNATE JOKE FOR THAT COMMERCIAL: That guy is totally gonna pop open the gas tank and fuck it.

7:43- That woman who just head butted Uncle Jesse? LIVING THE FUCKING DREAM.

7:51- Friend of the blog "Zoe" (not to be confused with cat of the blog "Zoey") demands I make fun of Massachusetts more. Which, okay, I understand. But being a Masshole is already punishment enough, what can I add to it?

7:52- Okay, fine, let's find out. "WELKAH! DON'T PAHK YAH CAH IN HAHVAHD YAHD!"

7:53- I really don't have a problem with the Pats, except that there's such a big crossover between Pats fans and Red Sox fans, and I'm sick to my dick of the Red Sox.

7:59- Okay, the way Green-Ellis just kept churning there was pretty bad ass.

8:00- Oh god, a commercial about how football was born in Ohio. Someone check Danny for a buckeye boner right now.

8:01: LOCAL COMMERCIALS! Everyone, tell me what you're seeing. Go ahead, I'll wait.

8:02: Shorter Hardee's (nee, Carl's Jr.) commercial: "WHO CARES IF THE FOOD IS GOOD, THERE'S A LOT OF IT."

8:03- Well, that...that was a poor choice.

8:05- My whiney bullshit aside, this is a pretty exciting game so far.

8:06- Tom Coughlin: Replacement level coach.

8:06- THAT is what you were all bitching about with the Ferris Bueller? It was just boring.

8:09- So, we rewound the DVR during the halftime show. BECAUSE WE LOVE MADONNA SO MUCH. Anyway, turns out I've been about a minute behind this entire thread. I'M SORRY I FAILED YOU.

8:11- "I was saying Cru-urns."

8:13- That commercial only works if you keep all your beer 4 inches off the ground. And if you're willing to make your dog do all your work. And if you like Bud Light. Which you don't, so why are we talking about this?

8:17- Tom Coughlin: Mediocre clock manager.

8:18- Father Coughlin: World Class Demagogue.


8:20- That car commercial had an oddly pro-family message. "NO THANKS, RANDOM HOT GIRLS CHEERING ME ON. I'M GONNA GO HANG OUT WITH MY WIFE AND THAT HORSE."

8:21- Wait, was that a dildo?

8:22- Hey, Tom Brady, don't get a safety here. EXPERT FOOTBALL ANALYSIS.

8:23- Does it sound like there's more Giants fans, or is that just me? It's weird, I can't think of a convincing explanation for why either team would have the edge on fans in NAP CITY.

8:26- Bekki: "The Darkness? OH MY GOD, are they coming back?"

8:27- I don't know about you guys, but we believe in a thing called love.

8:29- Hernandez looked like a gay matador in celebrating that first down.

8:30- Ochocinco wouldn't have caught that either, but it woulda been a lot more hilarious.

8:32- Well, this looks eerily familiar.

8:34- Eli's comin', hide your heart, girl.

8:43- Man, pretty hard to locate the funny right now.

8:44- Okay, yeah, that gives Brady a SHOT...but it's still going to be fucking biblical if he can pull this off.

8:46- When you think about it, that was probably a lot harder to stop on the line then it looks. I mean, I bet the guy NEVER practiced that play.

8:47- Manning's "BRING ON THE NOISE!" motion is the least convincing thing I've ever seen.

8:49- Pretty effective, though!

8:50- We're about to have a 9-win Super Bowl champion. WTF.


8:53- Wow, what the god.

8:54- I was marginally rooting for the Pats. But I'm also happy that the guy with Rush Limbaugh in his booth lost. PREVIEW FOR NOVEMBER, CONSERVA-TARDS.

8:55- That's gonna be a wrap for me, folks. If I have anything substantive to say, I'll put it up tomorrow. Until then, BALLS BALLS TITTIES.

8:55- Alright, GOOD SEASON, EVERYONE. RAISES FOR ALL. Let's put a pin in this and meet again in September.

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