11:32 - 2 minutes in and there's a score. It's like the reverse of the first period. Let's hope that trend continues.
11:34 - Having made a big hit, Seabrook will now go back into his hole to wait out the next 6 weeks of winter.
11:36 - Goddamn that was a good save by Niemi. Credit where it is due.
11:38 - Yes, winning fights doesn't = points, but it's nice to see some fucking fire in the belly of some players.
11:40 - On the other hand, it isn't nice to see your fucking goalie traipsing around behind the fucking net.
11:47 - I watch Niemi moving laterally across the net and just think...."man, even 5 year olds can skate better than Crow."
11:48 - And I'm basing that on going to Millenium Park and watching 5 year olds point and laugh at me as I fall and bust my ass. Then they call me a fag n00b and mutter something anti-semitic. Goddamn Halo.
11:50 - To be fair maybe Niemi should play with 2 gloves. His puck handling couldn't be worse.
11:51 - Time for University of Illinois club rules/chants. Less hockey more fighting! Less hockey more fighting!
11:55 - Call me a homer/goalie apologizer, but why the fuck wasn't a d-man putting a goddamn body on that one?
12:02 - Belated joke on that last goal: Rather than letting a forward set up a high tea and asking him if he wants one lump or two, GIVE HIM one lump or two!
12:07 - And there's the whistle. I'm going to continue to wet mine. Night folks!
Friday, February 10, 2012
Hawks v Sharks, Period the Second
10:38 - So I think Toews is going to get his helmet knocked off at least once per period.
10:42 - We are just getting beaten physically on both ends this game.
10:48 - Put the puck on net and good things happen.
10:53 - Thank God. Freddy Kruger is my dream and their nightmare.
10:54 - Our play is up and my posts are down. I really am motivated by catty bitchiness.
11:01 - The Ultimate Question: Did someone put something in Crow's water, or the defense's?
11:06 - The fact that if not for a Hawks defenseman that last goal would not have happened says more about that goal than I ever could. Way to sum up this road trip Olsen.
11:14 - Hey how about that...a new One Goal commercial remarking how Q used to be a defenseman. Is that why we're the only team in the NHL that doesn't have a shut out?
10:42 - We are just getting beaten physically on both ends this game.
10:48 - Put the puck on net and good things happen.
10:53 - Thank God. Freddy Kruger is my dream and their nightmare.
10:54 - Our play is up and my posts are down. I really am motivated by catty bitchiness.
11:01 - The Ultimate Question: Did someone put something in Crow's water, or the defense's?
11:06 - The fact that if not for a Hawks defenseman that last goal would not have happened says more about that goal than I ever could. Way to sum up this road trip Olsen.
11:14 - Hey how about that...a new One Goal commercial remarking how Q used to be a defenseman. Is that why we're the only team in the NHL that doesn't have a shut out?
Blackhawks Need a Bigger Boat
9:35 - I'm having a beer with my dad and blogging the Blackhawks after getting back from the Chicago Auto Show where I saw the Blackhawks Camaro. Outside of blowjobs I don't know if life gets much better.
9:36 - Looks like Crow has a new bonnet. I'm assuming this will make him play better. I'm only being 50% snarky. If we get the win tonight I'll be a believer. Hell I might drink my own piss out of it if he gets a shutout.
9:38 - God I miss Niemi.
9:39 - Either Kaner is injured and I'm unaware or he's sobbing into a sorority girl's tits right now that he isn't on the starting line. Every cab driver in San Jose better wear a goalie mask tonight.
9:40 - 4 minutes of power play? Can we just give them a goal now and get 5 back out there?
9:41 - Anyone else see that goal coming like 5 seconds out? Does Crow have sandbags tied to his skates?
9:44 - Yes, thanks for the penalty, but why isn't anyone beating the shit out of Marleau right now?
9:49 - Hey announcers, you aren't Dr. Seuss, stop rhyming. (Dr. Seuss on an angry pussy hunt. Thank you Patton Oswalt)
9:53 - Okay so Kane isn't injured, he just isn't starting. Someone's tatties are soaked in tears.
9:54 - One Shark gets a breakaway against two Blackhawk defenders, and the crowd got excited. I can't blame them given how we've played lately.
9:58 - Glad to see people willing to defend their teammates....unless it's the goalie.
9:59 - Fuck it, let's just all drop gloves and fight.
10:02 - Well that just happened.
10:05 - "25 out of the next 28 games are against playoff teams." Okay, after the 7th time y'all said that it sunk in. Let me also clarify that over half the teams in NHL get into the playoffs. So that may not be the greatest distinction.
10:07 - 53.33333% of NHL teams make the playoffs. Just some clarification.
10:09 - The Sharks just had a short-handed offensive possession. Not a short handed chance, a short-handed possession where they kept it in play without getting offsides and putting shots on goal. Maybe we should play the rest of this game 5 on 4 just to make it entertaining.
10:10 - apparently the refs agree.
10:15 - well I'm glad the announcers have given up on this as a hockey game and have decided to score the fights, boxing style, for the rest of this match up. YAY! How about this: every fight we win we get half a goal. If we win 4 fights can we tie it up?
10:17 - The Hawks escape the 1st period having only given up 2. Join us next thread for more catty bitchiness.
9:36 - Looks like Crow has a new bonnet. I'm assuming this will make him play better. I'm only being 50% snarky. If we get the win tonight I'll be a believer. Hell I might drink my own piss out of it if he gets a shutout.
9:38 - God I miss Niemi.
9:39 - Either Kaner is injured and I'm unaware or he's sobbing into a sorority girl's tits right now that he isn't on the starting line. Every cab driver in San Jose better wear a goalie mask tonight.
9:40 - 4 minutes of power play? Can we just give them a goal now and get 5 back out there?
9:41 - Anyone else see that goal coming like 5 seconds out? Does Crow have sandbags tied to his skates?
9:44 - Yes, thanks for the penalty, but why isn't anyone beating the shit out of Marleau right now?
9:49 - Hey announcers, you aren't Dr. Seuss, stop rhyming. (Dr. Seuss on an angry pussy hunt. Thank you Patton Oswalt)
9:53 - Okay so Kane isn't injured, he just isn't starting. Someone's tatties are soaked in tears.
9:54 - One Shark gets a breakaway against two Blackhawk defenders, and the crowd got excited. I can't blame them given how we've played lately.
9:58 - Glad to see people willing to defend their teammates....unless it's the goalie.
9:59 - Fuck it, let's just all drop gloves and fight.
10:02 - Well that just happened.
10:05 - "25 out of the next 28 games are against playoff teams." Okay, after the 7th time y'all said that it sunk in. Let me also clarify that over half the teams in NHL get into the playoffs. So that may not be the greatest distinction.
10:07 - 53.33333% of NHL teams make the playoffs. Just some clarification.
10:09 - The Sharks just had a short-handed offensive possession. Not a short handed chance, a short-handed possession where they kept it in play without getting offsides and putting shots on goal. Maybe we should play the rest of this game 5 on 4 just to make it entertaining.
10:10 - apparently the refs agree.
10:15 - well I'm glad the announcers have given up on this as a hockey game and have decided to score the fights, boxing style, for the rest of this match up. YAY! How about this: every fight we win we get half a goal. If we win 4 fights can we tie it up?
10:17 - The Hawks escape the 1st period having only given up 2. Join us next thread for more catty bitchiness.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
I'm Just Sayin'...
"Did X win it, or did Y lose it?" is the most obnoxious question in all of sports.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
'DA BIG GAME 2: THE QUICKENING
7:23- OCHOCINCO!
7:26- NBC's director, to Brady, on those still pictures: "Okay Tom, now, I need you to look like the douchiest douche that ever cleaned out a vagina. Aaaaaaaaand GO."
7:32- I don't fucking care what men do, I'm gonna watch the shit out of SMASH.
7:33- I'm still waiting for Madonna to reappear. POOF, SHE'S PLAYING RIGHT TACKLE NOW!
7:38- The Patriots have decided that hurting people is just as good as winning.
7:40- Goddammit Fiat, now I'm gonna get a boner when I see one of those cars.
7:41- BONUS ALTERNATE JOKE FOR THAT COMMERCIAL: That guy is totally gonna pop open the gas tank and fuck it.
7:43- That woman who just head butted Uncle Jesse? LIVING THE FUCKING DREAM.
7:51- Friend of the blog "Zoe" (not to be confused with cat of the blog "Zoey") demands I make fun of Massachusetts more. Which, okay, I understand. But being a Masshole is already punishment enough, what can I add to it?
7:52- Okay, fine, let's find out. "WELKAH! DON'T PAHK YAH CAH IN HAHVAHD YAHD!"
7:53- I really don't have a problem with the Pats, except that there's such a big crossover between Pats fans and Red Sox fans, and I'm sick to my dick of the Red Sox.
7:59- Okay, the way Green-Ellis just kept churning there was pretty bad ass.
8:00- Oh god, a commercial about how football was born in Ohio. Someone check Danny for a buckeye boner right now.
8:01: LOCAL COMMERCIALS! Everyone, tell me what you're seeing. Go ahead, I'll wait.
8:02: Shorter Hardee's (nee, Carl's Jr.) commercial: "WHO CARES IF THE FOOD IS GOOD, THERE'S A LOT OF IT."
8:03- Well, that...that was a poor choice.
8:05- My whiney bullshit aside, this is a pretty exciting game so far.
8:06- Tom Coughlin: Replacement level coach.
8:06- THAT is what you were all bitching about with the Ferris Bueller? It was just boring.
8:09- So, we rewound the DVR during the halftime show. BECAUSE WE LOVE MADONNA SO MUCH. Anyway, turns out I've been about a minute behind this entire thread. I'M SORRY I FAILED YOU.
8:11- "I was saying Cru-urns."
8:13- That commercial only works if you keep all your beer 4 inches off the ground. And if you're willing to make your dog do all your work. And if you like Bud Light. Which you don't, so why are we talking about this?
8:17- Tom Coughlin: Mediocre clock manager.
8:18- Father Coughlin: World Class Demagogue.
8:19- AWWWW YEAH, A MOTHAFUCKIN' HISTORY JOKE.
8:20- That car commercial had an oddly pro-family message. "NO THANKS, RANDOM HOT GIRLS CHEERING ME ON. I'M GONNA GO HANG OUT WITH MY WIFE AND THAT HORSE."
8:21- Wait, was that a dildo?
8:22- Hey, Tom Brady, don't get a safety here. EXPERT FOOTBALL ANALYSIS.
8:23- Does it sound like there's more Giants fans, or is that just me? It's weird, I can't think of a convincing explanation for why either team would have the edge on fans in NAP CITY.
8:26- Bekki: "The Darkness? OH MY GOD, are they coming back?"
Me: "FUCK YOU, BEKKI, THEY NEVER FUCKING LEFT."
8:27- I don't know about you guys, but we believe in a thing called love.
8:29- Hernandez looked like a gay matador in celebrating that first down.
8:30- Ochocinco wouldn't have caught that either, but it woulda been a lot more hilarious.
8:32- Well, this looks eerily familiar.
8:34- Eli's comin', hide your heart, girl.
8:43- Man, pretty hard to locate the funny right now.
8:44- Okay, yeah, that gives Brady a SHOT...but it's still going to be fucking biblical if he can pull this off.
8:46- When you think about it, that was probably a lot harder to stop on the line then it looks. I mean, I bet the guy NEVER practiced that play.
8:47- Manning's "BRING ON THE NOISE!" motion is the least convincing thing I've ever seen.
8:49- Pretty effective, though!
8:50- We're about to have a 9-win Super Bowl champion. WTF.
8:51- THIS IS AN AWESOME END TO THIS FUCKING GAME BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
8:53- Wow, what the god.
8:54- I was marginally rooting for the Pats. But I'm also happy that the guy with Rush Limbaugh in his booth lost. PREVIEW FOR NOVEMBER, CONSERVA-TARDS.
8:55- That's gonna be a wrap for me, folks. If I have anything substantive to say, I'll put it up tomorrow. Until then, BALLS BALLS TITTIES.
8:55- Alright, GOOD SEASON, EVERYONE. RAISES FOR ALL. Let's put a pin in this and meet again in September.
7:26- NBC's director, to Brady, on those still pictures: "Okay Tom, now, I need you to look like the douchiest douche that ever cleaned out a vagina. Aaaaaaaaand GO."
7:32- I don't fucking care what men do, I'm gonna watch the shit out of SMASH.
7:33- I'm still waiting for Madonna to reappear. POOF, SHE'S PLAYING RIGHT TACKLE NOW!
7:38- The Patriots have decided that hurting people is just as good as winning.
7:40- Goddammit Fiat, now I'm gonna get a boner when I see one of those cars.
7:41- BONUS ALTERNATE JOKE FOR THAT COMMERCIAL: That guy is totally gonna pop open the gas tank and fuck it.
7:43- That woman who just head butted Uncle Jesse? LIVING THE FUCKING DREAM.
7:51- Friend of the blog "Zoe" (not to be confused with cat of the blog "Zoey") demands I make fun of Massachusetts more. Which, okay, I understand. But being a Masshole is already punishment enough, what can I add to it?
7:52- Okay, fine, let's find out. "WELKAH! DON'T PAHK YAH CAH IN HAHVAHD YAHD!"
7:53- I really don't have a problem with the Pats, except that there's such a big crossover between Pats fans and Red Sox fans, and I'm sick to my dick of the Red Sox.
7:59- Okay, the way Green-Ellis just kept churning there was pretty bad ass.
8:00- Oh god, a commercial about how football was born in Ohio. Someone check Danny for a buckeye boner right now.
8:01: LOCAL COMMERCIALS! Everyone, tell me what you're seeing. Go ahead, I'll wait.
8:02: Shorter Hardee's (nee, Carl's Jr.) commercial: "WHO CARES IF THE FOOD IS GOOD, THERE'S A LOT OF IT."
8:03- Well, that...that was a poor choice.
8:05- My whiney bullshit aside, this is a pretty exciting game so far.
8:06- Tom Coughlin: Replacement level coach.
8:06- THAT is what you were all bitching about with the Ferris Bueller? It was just boring.
8:09- So, we rewound the DVR during the halftime show. BECAUSE WE LOVE MADONNA SO MUCH. Anyway, turns out I've been about a minute behind this entire thread. I'M SORRY I FAILED YOU.
8:11- "I was saying Cru-urns."
8:13- That commercial only works if you keep all your beer 4 inches off the ground. And if you're willing to make your dog do all your work. And if you like Bud Light. Which you don't, so why are we talking about this?
8:17- Tom Coughlin: Mediocre clock manager.
8:18- Father Coughlin: World Class Demagogue.
8:19- AWWWW YEAH, A MOTHAFUCKIN' HISTORY JOKE.
8:20- That car commercial had an oddly pro-family message. "NO THANKS, RANDOM HOT GIRLS CHEERING ME ON. I'M GONNA GO HANG OUT WITH MY WIFE AND THAT HORSE."
8:21- Wait, was that a dildo?
8:22- Hey, Tom Brady, don't get a safety here. EXPERT FOOTBALL ANALYSIS.
8:23- Does it sound like there's more Giants fans, or is that just me? It's weird, I can't think of a convincing explanation for why either team would have the edge on fans in NAP CITY.
8:26- Bekki: "The Darkness? OH MY GOD, are they coming back?"
Me: "FUCK YOU, BEKKI, THEY NEVER FUCKING LEFT."
8:27- I don't know about you guys, but we believe in a thing called love.
8:29- Hernandez looked like a gay matador in celebrating that first down.
8:30- Ochocinco wouldn't have caught that either, but it woulda been a lot more hilarious.
8:32- Well, this looks eerily familiar.
8:34- Eli's comin', hide your heart, girl.
8:43- Man, pretty hard to locate the funny right now.
8:44- Okay, yeah, that gives Brady a SHOT...but it's still going to be fucking biblical if he can pull this off.
8:46- When you think about it, that was probably a lot harder to stop on the line then it looks. I mean, I bet the guy NEVER practiced that play.
8:47- Manning's "BRING ON THE NOISE!" motion is the least convincing thing I've ever seen.
8:49- Pretty effective, though!
8:50- We're about to have a 9-win Super Bowl champion. WTF.
8:51- THIS IS AN AWESOME END TO THIS FUCKING GAME BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
8:53- Wow, what the god.
8:54- I was marginally rooting for the Pats. But I'm also happy that the guy with Rush Limbaugh in his booth lost. PREVIEW FOR NOVEMBER, CONSERVA-TARDS.
8:55- That's gonna be a wrap for me, folks. If I have anything substantive to say, I'll put it up tomorrow. Until then, BALLS BALLS TITTIES.
8:55- Alright, GOOD SEASON, EVERYONE. RAISES FOR ALL. Let's put a pin in this and meet again in September.
'DA BIG GAME
5:35- Okay, we're a little late in starting, but we're gonna make up for it with extra hating on Massholes.
5:36- And Madonna. Seriously, WTF NFL OMGBBQ?
5:37- My hosts' TV is fucking balla. I can actually see the stink of Giselle's vagina coming off of Brady's crotch.
5:39- Budweiser, I'm not sure a song about Kanye West's mounting self-loathing is the best way to sell your new beer. But Bud Platium does sound like the best drink for a toast to the douchebags.
5:40- I really like the fat guy sitting next to Giselle just to explain sport to her.
5:41- HOLY SHIT, A SAFETY ALREADY. Friends of the blog will understand that this is already my favorite Super Bowl since the one where I ended up on a table top wearing a bear mask.
5:42- Upon further reflection, I can only HOPE that that was Super Bowl.
5:43- Pepsi, that was just the dumbest shit ever.
5:45- I'm eating Devilled eggs and not sharing, Ron Swanson style. My host has provided fridge space.
5:50- THAT is some amatuer hour shit, Patriots.
5:51- Victor Cruz, borrowing his name from the villain in every mid-90s Jean Claude Van Damme movie, pulls in a catch for our first legit score. 8-0 New York Football Giants.
5:52- HOLY SHIT, THE P.A.T. WAS GOOD!
5:56- Alright, I lied that Chevy commercial (Even though Chevys are built in horseshit RTW states). But um...what's gonna happen when those guys get horny?
5:59- Wes Welker leads the league in affection from commentators who are afraid of black guys.
6:06- Some kicker does his thing and the Pats are on the board. 9-3 Gernts.
6:11- Shorter Chris Collinsworth: "Ah ha ha ha ha, I just love these grown men taking permanent damage. AH HA HA HA HA."
6:14- Goddammit Volkswagon, now you're just gonna give my pets body image issues.
6:20- I swear to god, the second quarter of every NFL game is 45 minutes long.
6:29- Tom Coughlin is a perfectly adequate professional football coach.
6:33- After that penalty, Bill Bellicek has the wry smile of a man who is going to murder many hookers with many chicken bones.
6:36- I'm like, 65% certain that a Super Bowl commercial just explained an oral sex principal to us all. JOKE'S ON YOU, SUPER BOWL. I DIDN'T NEED TO BE TOLD THAT. I'M MARRIED, ORAL SEX ISN'T AN OPTION ANYWAY!
6:39- Brady, in the huddle: "YOU AND YOU! STOP BEING SHITTY!"
6:44- Goddammit, people. I thought we all agreed that G.I. Joe movies were mistakes. We were just going to extract the redhead, and bomb the rest. What happened?
6:45- The name "Woodhead"? Never not funny.
6:48- Brady: "I AM THE BRADY GOD! YOU SHALL WORSHIP NO OTHER BRADIES BEFORE ME!"
6:51- And that's half time! Here comes Madonna! Thanks, Geritol!
6:54- Bob Costas: "As you can see, it's kind of dark behind me, 'cause no one wants to fucking look at Madonna anymore."
6:57- Deadspin caught Rush Limbaugh picking his nose. LIBRUL MEDIA! I HOPE HE FAILS! WE SHOULDA JUST TRADED THE 2012 ELECTION FOR DRAFT PICKS!
7:00- We're watching a friends' demo video, so I can't make fun of the Indiana tourism commercial. Someone fill in for me?
7:06- Nothing says NFL football like a guy doing gymnastics moves in a toga.
7:07- This is violating the first tenant of Super Bowl Half Time Law: Don't make your father think about shit.
7:09- Why was Madonna laying down? Was she tired already?
7:09- "Every record sounds the same." Yes, agreed, Madonna. Stop doing that.
7:11- These nuns aren't nearly slutty enough.
7:12- OTOH, that's some real complex choreography they got going on there. "Sway back and forth. Swing your arms, but just a bit! PERFECT. THAT'S FUCKING ART."
7:13- Cee Lo looks like the first Defense Against the Dark Arts minister who gets to stay on because Voldemort's curse is broken. Or because of Affirmative Action. One of the two.
7:14- I'll bitch about my penis aches for as long as I want, but "Like a Prayer" really is a solid pop song.
7:15- Did she just get frozen in carbonite?
7:20- WHY IS CLINT EASTWOOD GROWLING AT ME ABOUT DETROIT?!?!
7:23- New half means a new thread. BECAUSE YOU EARNED IT.
5:36- And Madonna. Seriously, WTF NFL OMGBBQ?
5:37- My hosts' TV is fucking balla. I can actually see the stink of Giselle's vagina coming off of Brady's crotch.
5:39- Budweiser, I'm not sure a song about Kanye West's mounting self-loathing is the best way to sell your new beer. But Bud Platium does sound like the best drink for a toast to the douchebags.
5:40- I really like the fat guy sitting next to Giselle just to explain sport to her.
5:41- HOLY SHIT, A SAFETY ALREADY. Friends of the blog will understand that this is already my favorite Super Bowl since the one where I ended up on a table top wearing a bear mask.
5:42- Upon further reflection, I can only HOPE that that was Super Bowl.
5:43- Pepsi, that was just the dumbest shit ever.
5:45- I'm eating Devilled eggs and not sharing, Ron Swanson style. My host has provided fridge space.
5:50- THAT is some amatuer hour shit, Patriots.
5:51- Victor Cruz, borrowing his name from the villain in every mid-90s Jean Claude Van Damme movie, pulls in a catch for our first legit score. 8-0 New York Football Giants.
5:52- HOLY SHIT, THE P.A.T. WAS GOOD!
5:56- Alright, I lied that Chevy commercial (Even though Chevys are built in horseshit RTW states). But um...what's gonna happen when those guys get horny?
5:59- Wes Welker leads the league in affection from commentators who are afraid of black guys.
6:06- Some kicker does his thing and the Pats are on the board. 9-3 Gernts.
6:11- Shorter Chris Collinsworth: "Ah ha ha ha ha, I just love these grown men taking permanent damage. AH HA HA HA HA."
6:14- Goddammit Volkswagon, now you're just gonna give my pets body image issues.
6:20- I swear to god, the second quarter of every NFL game is 45 minutes long.
6:29- Tom Coughlin is a perfectly adequate professional football coach.
6:33- After that penalty, Bill Bellicek has the wry smile of a man who is going to murder many hookers with many chicken bones.
6:36- I'm like, 65% certain that a Super Bowl commercial just explained an oral sex principal to us all. JOKE'S ON YOU, SUPER BOWL. I DIDN'T NEED TO BE TOLD THAT. I'M MARRIED, ORAL SEX ISN'T AN OPTION ANYWAY!
6:39- Brady, in the huddle: "YOU AND YOU! STOP BEING SHITTY!"
6:44- Goddammit, people. I thought we all agreed that G.I. Joe movies were mistakes. We were just going to extract the redhead, and bomb the rest. What happened?
6:45- The name "Woodhead"? Never not funny.
6:48- Brady: "I AM THE BRADY GOD! YOU SHALL WORSHIP NO OTHER BRADIES BEFORE ME!"
6:51- And that's half time! Here comes Madonna! Thanks, Geritol!
6:54- Bob Costas: "As you can see, it's kind of dark behind me, 'cause no one wants to fucking look at Madonna anymore."
6:57- Deadspin caught Rush Limbaugh picking his nose. LIBRUL MEDIA! I HOPE HE FAILS! WE SHOULDA JUST TRADED THE 2012 ELECTION FOR DRAFT PICKS!
7:00- We're watching a friends' demo video, so I can't make fun of the Indiana tourism commercial. Someone fill in for me?
7:06- Nothing says NFL football like a guy doing gymnastics moves in a toga.
7:07- This is violating the first tenant of Super Bowl Half Time Law: Don't make your father think about shit.
7:09- Why was Madonna laying down? Was she tired already?
7:09- "Every record sounds the same." Yes, agreed, Madonna. Stop doing that.
7:11- These nuns aren't nearly slutty enough.
7:12- OTOH, that's some real complex choreography they got going on there. "Sway back and forth. Swing your arms, but just a bit! PERFECT. THAT'S FUCKING ART."
7:13- Cee Lo looks like the first Defense Against the Dark Arts minister who gets to stay on because Voldemort's curse is broken. Or because of Affirmative Action. One of the two.
7:14- I'll bitch about my penis aches for as long as I want, but "Like a Prayer" really is a solid pop song.
7:15- Did she just get frozen in carbonite?
7:20- WHY IS CLINT EASTWOOD GROWLING AT ME ABOUT DETROIT?!?!
7:23- New half means a new thread. BECAUSE YOU EARNED IT.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Dan Wolken and The Big Lie
Dan Wolken had a recent column which got attention even on PTI regarding moving the start of the college basketball season so as to avoid being overshadowed by other sports.
http://www.thedaily.com/page/2012/01/29/012912-sports-wolken-column-hoops-1-3/
I have no complaints with the merits of Dan's argument. March vs May Madness doesn't initially strike me as heresy, and I might actually pay more attention to college b-ball once bowl season is over (which might actually improve my performance on my brackets, having actually seen some of these teams play).
My issue here is what Dan is perceiving as the problem: that college basketball is being overshadowed. That attendance is down, that viewership is down, that no one is talking about the sport because they are too busy talking about the NFL and the NBA.
WHY IS THIS A BAD THING?
We're told over and over that these kids are "student athletes", that this isn't a professional sport, and they aren't professional athletes, so they don't deserve compensation for their performance over the education they receive. These are schools, after all, and the education should be the principal focus. If that's truly the case, then why are we complaining that a college sport that exists only to further the education of its participants is being overshadowed by the professional sports that this is not. ZOMG! PROFESSIONAL BASKETBALL IS MORE POPULAR THAN NON-PROFESSIONAL BASKETBALL! Isn't that how it's supposed to work? If 5 people watch a college game vs 50,000 people watching the game, those kids get the same compensation: a scholarship and a dorm room with access to a cafeteria. If they are only there to play for an education, there doesn't need to be a single tv camera in the building, not even public access.
http://www.thedaily.com/page/2012/01/29/012912-sports-wolken-column-hoops-1-3/
I have no complaints with the merits of Dan's argument. March vs May Madness doesn't initially strike me as heresy, and I might actually pay more attention to college b-ball once bowl season is over (which might actually improve my performance on my brackets, having actually seen some of these teams play).
My issue here is what Dan is perceiving as the problem: that college basketball is being overshadowed. That attendance is down, that viewership is down, that no one is talking about the sport because they are too busy talking about the NFL and the NBA.
WHY IS THIS A BAD THING?
We're told over and over that these kids are "student athletes", that this isn't a professional sport, and they aren't professional athletes, so they don't deserve compensation for their performance over the education they receive. These are schools, after all, and the education should be the principal focus. If that's truly the case, then why are we complaining that a college sport that exists only to further the education of its participants is being overshadowed by the professional sports that this is not. ZOMG! PROFESSIONAL BASKETBALL IS MORE POPULAR THAN NON-PROFESSIONAL BASKETBALL! Isn't that how it's supposed to work? If 5 people watch a college game vs 50,000 people watching the game, those kids get the same compensation: a scholarship and a dorm room with access to a cafeteria. If they are only there to play for an education, there doesn't need to be a single tv camera in the building, not even public access.
Monday, January 30, 2012
Getting It Right
I really enjoyed this year's NHL All Star Game. I KNOW, I'M AS SURPRISED AS YOU. But really, I think the NHL has figured out what these things are about while the other major leagues are still flailing. What are they about? It's a simple sentence: "THIS IS ALL BULLSHIT, SO LET'S JUST GO OUT THERE AND HAVE A GOOD TIME."
All All Star Games, Pro Bowls, whatever, are just spectacle, or at least should be. They're excuses to put a bunch of famous players all on the same team, and that's all they need to be. Now, that's a fundamentally gimmicky concept...but that's okay. The regular season and the playoffs can be played straight. Set this weekend aside for just the fun.
It really feels like that's what the NHL has done. The teams are picked playground style, with captains going back and forth to pick guys to fill out their rosters. The most popular event of the weekend was the skills competition, where guys dressed in costumes and brought props. Teams are split up, so you can see forwards going up against their own regular season goalies (As we saw in the first goal of the evening). Hell, goalies are mic'ed up so that the broadcasters can hockle them during the action (or, in Lundqvist's case, give them warning when a scoring threat starts his shift).
The players are just out there goofing around and trying to do big, flashy plays. The scores get ridiculously high. Even the fourth line sounds like a Justice League roster. Drake sang between periods, for some reason.
In other words, the NHL embraced the idea that this was just a gimmick, and decided to pile a couple more gimmicks on top of it. That only worked, of course, because the ASG doesn't count for anything, and everyone acknowledges that. But god help me, it did work. It was big and goofy, and just fun.
Baseball, of course, is still mired in the idea that the ASG should count, to the extent that the new CBA requires players to either show up or get special dispensation from the Commissioner's office. This is nonsense, and the home field advantage rule is nonsense on stilts (why should two completely different teams get to decide that, exactly?). The ASG is a bunch of big name stars all on the field at once. DON'T OVERSELL THIS, GUYS.
The Pro Bowl certainly embraces that it doesn't matter, but the NFL forgets to make it fun, considering you end up with like, the 12 best QB in the league starting. It doesn't help that the two teams going to the Super Bowl obviously don't participate. But biggest problem is probably the sport itself- football plays are just too structured and rigid to generate the kind of flash and spectacle needed to make the Pro Bowl fun. Maybe Tebow changed that? I don't know, I didn't bother.
The bottom line is, any ASG is fundamentally a gimmicky spectacle, and all leagues would be wise to embrace that. Yes, players won't try as hard, and won't want to risk injuries. That's okay, embrace that. Let them just try to throw out a bunch of flashy bullshit, let them try to just act out on their petty rivalries or nutty theories. The NHL seems to get that, and good for it.
Of course, the reason the NHL gets it is that it's a second tier league, so it can afford to play around a bit more. It's got to try a lot more gimmicky stuff to drum up any interest. And the other edge to that sword is that the league ends up looking amatuerish in other ways. I was at the gym when the ASG started yesterday, but didn't quite know it, because the NHL app on my iPhone did not have the game time on it ANYWHERE. But for now, it's making the NHL try harder on it's big events. And that's making them a lot more fun.
All All Star Games, Pro Bowls, whatever, are just spectacle, or at least should be. They're excuses to put a bunch of famous players all on the same team, and that's all they need to be. Now, that's a fundamentally gimmicky concept...but that's okay. The regular season and the playoffs can be played straight. Set this weekend aside for just the fun.
It really feels like that's what the NHL has done. The teams are picked playground style, with captains going back and forth to pick guys to fill out their rosters. The most popular event of the weekend was the skills competition, where guys dressed in costumes and brought props. Teams are split up, so you can see forwards going up against their own regular season goalies (As we saw in the first goal of the evening). Hell, goalies are mic'ed up so that the broadcasters can hockle them during the action (or, in Lundqvist's case, give them warning when a scoring threat starts his shift).
The players are just out there goofing around and trying to do big, flashy plays. The scores get ridiculously high. Even the fourth line sounds like a Justice League roster. Drake sang between periods, for some reason.
In other words, the NHL embraced the idea that this was just a gimmick, and decided to pile a couple more gimmicks on top of it. That only worked, of course, because the ASG doesn't count for anything, and everyone acknowledges that. But god help me, it did work. It was big and goofy, and just fun.
Baseball, of course, is still mired in the idea that the ASG should count, to the extent that the new CBA requires players to either show up or get special dispensation from the Commissioner's office. This is nonsense, and the home field advantage rule is nonsense on stilts (why should two completely different teams get to decide that, exactly?). The ASG is a bunch of big name stars all on the field at once. DON'T OVERSELL THIS, GUYS.
The Pro Bowl certainly embraces that it doesn't matter, but the NFL forgets to make it fun, considering you end up with like, the 12 best QB in the league starting. It doesn't help that the two teams going to the Super Bowl obviously don't participate. But biggest problem is probably the sport itself- football plays are just too structured and rigid to generate the kind of flash and spectacle needed to make the Pro Bowl fun. Maybe Tebow changed that? I don't know, I didn't bother.
The bottom line is, any ASG is fundamentally a gimmicky spectacle, and all leagues would be wise to embrace that. Yes, players won't try as hard, and won't want to risk injuries. That's okay, embrace that. Let them just try to throw out a bunch of flashy bullshit, let them try to just act out on their petty rivalries or nutty theories. The NHL seems to get that, and good for it.
Of course, the reason the NHL gets it is that it's a second tier league, so it can afford to play around a bit more. It's got to try a lot more gimmicky stuff to drum up any interest. And the other edge to that sword is that the league ends up looking amatuerish in other ways. I was at the gym when the ASG started yesterday, but didn't quite know it, because the NHL app on my iPhone did not have the game time on it ANYWHERE. But for now, it's making the NHL try harder on it's big events. And that's making them a lot more fun.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
"AND THEN, BEND OVER ABIGAIL MAY, 'CAUSE HERE COMES THE GRAVY PIPE!"
This is either the insane rantings of a madman who has stumbled upon a modicum of actual power, or the best Tim & Eric sketch ever.
The best part is that they've essentially put some poor fucker named "David Cullen" in a fucking shark cage in front of home plate. WHY?
Because America fucking owns, that's why.
The best part is that they've essentially put some poor fucker named "David Cullen" in a fucking shark cage in front of home plate. WHY?
Because America fucking owns, that's why.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Your 2012 Super Bowl: Patriots v. Giants
OH GOOD.
I was just saying how I wished this year's Super Bowl could have a shallow, one-word narrative that the pundits will run into the ground while obscuring any actual reporting or analysis for the next two weeks.
REMATCH! THIS TIME, BOTH TEAMS ARE UN-UNDEFEATED!
I was just saying how I wished this year's Super Bowl could have a shallow, one-word narrative that the pundits will run into the ground while obscuring any actual reporting or analysis for the next two weeks.
REMATCH! THIS TIME, BOTH TEAMS ARE UN-UNDEFEATED!
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