Monday, January 16, 2012

A Comprehensive Theory on NFL Schadenfreude

This is an easy one: There is a strong, direct correlation between the grandiosity of a player's "victory" celebration and your joy in seeing him defeated.

This is why the games this weekend were so awesome. There was no discount double check from RAHDJAHS! There was no Tebow-ing from Tebow (and I don't give a shit about his sincerely held faith, it's a fucking touchdown dance. You don't need to talk to Jesus every time you score like a potty-trained child calling his parents every time he successfully flushes. Anyway, Jesus, being Arab, is way more into football than football). I don't know what Brady and Manning's touchdown celebrations are- fucking some model and crying alone in a dark room, respectively, if I had to guess- and that's kind of exactly my point.

Now of course, there is a limit to this. Once you get to TO or Ochiocinco levels of insanity, it loops back around, and you'd be glad to see that again. For instance, I wouldn't spray fire retardant foam on the Milwaukee Brewers if they were trapped in a tire fire, but this is just delightful. But those kinds of celebrations are usually isolated and unique, one-time things done in the hopes of getting a viral video.

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