Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Chicago Blackhawsk @ St. Louis Blues

7:10- That last game, the one against the collection of misshapen British smiles known as the Vancouver Canucks, almost killed me. I wanted to hurt myself and others. Well, with this blog tonight, I'm taking care of the "others" part.

7:14- With the NBA locked out, Comcast Chicago has taken to showing classic JOrdan-era Bulls games. That... will work, Comcast. That will do just fine.

7:19- Did it The Blues just learn about the Lokomotiv tragedy this afternoon? Because seriously, this could've been scheduled a lot better.

7:21- Pat Foley- "It's a little late, but who cares?" I care. I mean, I'm a post 9-11 American, I get fetishizing tragedy. But goddammit, two months after that, the Yankees were playing their games on time.

7:36- The Blues' new head coach- Alfred Hitchcock, or some damn thing- admits that putting Kane and Toews on separate lines messes up his plans on how to defend them. How nice of him, to reveal that he only planned for one circumstance.

7:23- Is the anthem singer holding a hat? Will he pass it later for donations?

7:24- This guy is shifting keys more than that little guy at the end of the second Matrix movie.

7:27- Wait, why the fuck are the 'Hawks in their home sweaters? Is the Scott Trade center actually in East St. Louis?

7:33- The Blues' forwards might try receiving a pass, rather than just limply swatting at it as it bounces past them.

7:38- Sobotka scores for the Blues. Guess he finally got the port of Baltimore dredged.

7:42- And Carcillo's picked a fight. FIGHTS TOTALLY PUT POINTS ON THE BOARD, RIGHT?

7:50- The announcers are telling us how John Scott has it switching between offense and defense. The only thing worse than watching John Scott skate is listening to the Ballad of John Scott.

8:25- Right now, the 'Hawks look like dirt that's been fucked by an elephant. BUT OH, THEY'VE GOT GRIT, NOW.

8:28- Finally, the 'Hawks get a PP. Oh, wait, their PP is a horrifying spiraling descent into my most depressing nightmares.

8:31- That was the Stephen King's "The Shining" of Power Plays. That third clear was the elevator full of blood.

8:34- I hate few things more than I hate these tequila commercials. Why is this 34 year old douchebasket talking like the Shit My Dad Says guy?

8:40- The last five minutes of this game have been so terrible, I think one of these stumblefucks stepped on MY dick.

8:45- Did someone coat the ice with anal lube?

8:48- This game is worse than that "Party at the Top of the World" song.

8:51- We're through 40 minutes, and the 'Hawks look worse than Lindsay Lohan is going to look in her Playboy pictorial.

8:52- Yeah, "pictorial". 'Cause it's the classy way to show folks your tatties.

9:12- Pat Foley makes a joke about "magnetic boards", indicating that the players are really pinned to the boards. Steve Konroyd is following up on that like it's actually a thing.

9:31- OH GEE LOOK, THE GAME ENDED EARLY. Time to watch the New Girl.

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