This story seems a little overblown, but it's interesting, nonetheless.
Similar, personal story: my wife and I thought about postponing our wedding because we'd heard it the weekend of a Cardinals-Cubs series, in which case her dad and I wouldn't have been able to be in the same room, much less become family. We were wrong about the schedule, so everything went ahead as planned.
Stories like this are why I'm so interested in the moral, political, and social dimensions of sports. Sports just affect us so much, even if we're not sports fans, even if we can't see how they're affecting us. Sometimes, it's because we're letting them affect us too much; we let it get personal or worse, tribal. Sometimes, it's that the actors in the sports are getting too myopic and not seeing how they hurt the sport, the fans, or even themselves. And sometimes- quite often, I would say- the sports affect us, and it's harmless, maybe even beneficial.
In each case, it's worth exploring. It's worth identifying what's what, and calling out the people responsible. Because sports and our obsession with them aren't going away- or at least, they aren't going to without a lot of discussion.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Unsafe At Any Speed
Ralph Nader has decided he has something to say about the NHL.
WELL, THAT OUGHTTA DO THE TRICK.
Nader is looking to prevent concussions by ending fighting in hockey. He also wants to eliminate all shots to the head. These are laudable goals, and I support them in every way. I have my doubts on Nader's ability to accomplish them, but Nader is just one part of the drive to end fighting, and that drive was already well under way before he got involved. An end to fighting WILL come in the NHL, and I will not be surprised if we see it in the next decade.
My worry is that we're making the debate over concussions too much about fighting, and we're downplaying the other major causes of concussions. That we're going to finally outlaw fighting and just say, "PROBLEM SOLVED! RAISES FOR EVERYONE!" Look at Nader's letter. He wants head shots outlawed, too, but he discusses fighting more, and saves his biggest rhetorical flourishes for fighting.
If we're talking about concussions, we can't end it there, though. Crosby and Giroux weren't concussed in a fight, they were hit during regular play. Those kinds of concussions are just as serious, probably more prevelant...and much harder to solve. It's going to be lengthy process of continued player discipline, continued improvements to safety equipment, better training, and maybe even new rules that will sacrifice some of the things we like about the game.
In other words, there's no easy answers, and even the hard answers aren't clear right now. And in some ways, I think that's why we're turning to fighting, because it's something we CAN solve rather easily (all we have to do is shut Don Cherry the fuck up, at this point). It's like the old saying, "I'm kicking the dog because I can't find the cat." (Jeez, some of my old sayings are violent). Viking of the Blog Mike's argument is that it's like having a Diet Coke at dinner- yeah, it only saves you 50 calories, but that's still 50 calories. He's not wrong. I just want to make sure that the NHL doesn't think that that's enough.
I still think that fighting, in it's current form, takes an incredible physical and mental toll on the players, and it makes the fans come off as far too barbaric. It's turning off potential fans and thus, limiting the sport. I still fully support ending it, and the sooner the better. But my priority right now is player safety, so I want to make sure the reform doesn't end there.
WELL, THAT OUGHTTA DO THE TRICK.
Nader is looking to prevent concussions by ending fighting in hockey. He also wants to eliminate all shots to the head. These are laudable goals, and I support them in every way. I have my doubts on Nader's ability to accomplish them, but Nader is just one part of the drive to end fighting, and that drive was already well under way before he got involved. An end to fighting WILL come in the NHL, and I will not be surprised if we see it in the next decade.
My worry is that we're making the debate over concussions too much about fighting, and we're downplaying the other major causes of concussions. That we're going to finally outlaw fighting and just say, "PROBLEM SOLVED! RAISES FOR EVERYONE!" Look at Nader's letter. He wants head shots outlawed, too, but he discusses fighting more, and saves his biggest rhetorical flourishes for fighting.
If we're talking about concussions, we can't end it there, though. Crosby and Giroux weren't concussed in a fight, they were hit during regular play. Those kinds of concussions are just as serious, probably more prevelant...and much harder to solve. It's going to be lengthy process of continued player discipline, continued improvements to safety equipment, better training, and maybe even new rules that will sacrifice some of the things we like about the game.
In other words, there's no easy answers, and even the hard answers aren't clear right now. And in some ways, I think that's why we're turning to fighting, because it's something we CAN solve rather easily (all we have to do is shut Don Cherry the fuck up, at this point). It's like the old saying, "I'm kicking the dog because I can't find the cat." (Jeez, some of my old sayings are violent). Viking of the Blog Mike's argument is that it's like having a Diet Coke at dinner- yeah, it only saves you 50 calories, but that's still 50 calories. He's not wrong. I just want to make sure that the NHL doesn't think that that's enough.
I still think that fighting, in it's current form, takes an incredible physical and mental toll on the players, and it makes the fans come off as far too barbaric. It's turning off potential fans and thus, limiting the sport. I still fully support ending it, and the sooner the better. But my priority right now is player safety, so I want to make sure the reform doesn't end there.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Pain and Sports
Well, this is quite something, isn't it?
I can't blame you if you're surprised; it's not every sport that explicitly encourage physical pain. But I get it if you're not surprised, too; there's an awful lot of sports that try to look the other way at pain.
We the fans certainly complicate matters. We hate to see "head hunting" or "targeting", but we love big hits. We love "giving the other guy something to think about". We love seeing a player rise above the pain. And our list of "Dirtiest Players" often grows one shorter when our team picks up certain guys from free agency. I mean, I've certainly rooted, mostly in jest, for Tim Tebow to break a collarbone, and my opinion of Dan Carcillo certainly changed when his uniform did (though it's back to normal, now that I know he's useless).
There is a difference between enjoying a strong, physical sport and just cold baying for blood, but man, I'll admit that that line is only a molecule thick in some spots. Hockey is instructive here (and as this blog goes on, we'll definitely talk more about that); I really can see a moral difference between checking and fighting. But there's checks and then there's targeting the head. There's fights and then there's scuffles after the whistle. There's a lot of grey area, and I don't envy Brenden Shanahan in sorting all that out.
There's no real bright line rules to guide us in those closer cases, and I can't really propose one here. But maybe I can suggest a frame work to get us thinking about this.
I think the question is intent. If a player is intentionally trying to hurt another, or if any sport or rule explicitly encourages hurting a player (even just to the extent that he's drops the ball or fumbles the pass or misses the puck or whatever) it's suspect. There's still a lot of gray area, and some sports I love are probably implicated. Bt it's a start.
I think it's clear how Ultimate Tazer Ball runs afoul of that standard; the defense's entire means of accomplishing it's goal is physical pain. I know there's only been minor injuries so far, but man, that seems like walking the razor's edge.
Of course, I can only speak to why I wouldn't watch such a sport, and why I would tell other people not to do so, either. As far as participating in it goes, I really have little interest in denying someone their right to fuck up their own body. But as far as we, the fans go...well, at a certain point, we just start to look too much like Romans.
I can't blame you if you're surprised; it's not every sport that explicitly encourage physical pain. But I get it if you're not surprised, too; there's an awful lot of sports that try to look the other way at pain.
We the fans certainly complicate matters. We hate to see "head hunting" or "targeting", but we love big hits. We love "giving the other guy something to think about". We love seeing a player rise above the pain. And our list of "Dirtiest Players" often grows one shorter when our team picks up certain guys from free agency. I mean, I've certainly rooted, mostly in jest, for Tim Tebow to break a collarbone, and my opinion of Dan Carcillo certainly changed when his uniform did (though it's back to normal, now that I know he's useless).
There is a difference between enjoying a strong, physical sport and just cold baying for blood, but man, I'll admit that that line is only a molecule thick in some spots. Hockey is instructive here (and as this blog goes on, we'll definitely talk more about that); I really can see a moral difference between checking and fighting. But there's checks and then there's targeting the head. There's fights and then there's scuffles after the whistle. There's a lot of grey area, and I don't envy Brenden Shanahan in sorting all that out.
There's no real bright line rules to guide us in those closer cases, and I can't really propose one here. But maybe I can suggest a frame work to get us thinking about this.
I think the question is intent. If a player is intentionally trying to hurt another, or if any sport or rule explicitly encourages hurting a player (even just to the extent that he's drops the ball or fumbles the pass or misses the puck or whatever) it's suspect. There's still a lot of gray area, and some sports I love are probably implicated. Bt it's a start.
I think it's clear how Ultimate Tazer Ball runs afoul of that standard; the defense's entire means of accomplishing it's goal is physical pain. I know there's only been minor injuries so far, but man, that seems like walking the razor's edge.
Of course, I can only speak to why I wouldn't watch such a sport, and why I would tell other people not to do so, either. As far as participating in it goes, I really have little interest in denying someone their right to fuck up their own body. But as far as we, the fans go...well, at a certain point, we just start to look too much like Romans.
TIM THOMAS: THE TED NUGENT OF HOCKEY
Fun Fact: Both Tim Thomas and Ted Nugent were born in eastern Michigan. Must be something in Lake Michigan.
Anyway, I guess at some point I had to address Tim Thomas' recent political statements, considering that whenever someone talks to me about the President, they refer to him as "YA BOY, Barack Obama".
(And he IS ma boy, so step to the right, haters. Well, further to the right, if that's possible at this point.)
Now, Thomas' statements are ridiculous. But the proper response to Thomas' dumb statements is to explain why it's dumb (here, I'll start: the birth control "mandate" is not at all about religious freedom- indeed, the Catholic Bishops' position represents an infringement of the religious freedom of employees of Catholic employers, who may not hold the same religious views as the bishops. And the "FIRST THEY CAME!" speech is so cliched, I'm actually asleep right now just from typing the first three words of it). The proper response is NOT to act as if Thomas shouldn't have spoken up at all; indeed, it's better that he DID speak up so that I can keep calling him dumb.
NHL pundits are doing just that, though, trying to silence of dismiss Thomas' statements as not even worth discussing (And yet, they let notorious thought criminal Don Cherry still run free). This isn't just the wrong tactic; it's also pretty weird in the world of sports. Aren't we used to athletes and such saying conservative, or at least libertarian things? When Albert Pujols and Tony La Russa went to some dumb Glen Beck rally, we heard some cosmopolitan Cardinal fans wring their hands (most notably Idol of the Blog Will Leitch), but for the most part, it passed without comment. When Rush Limbaugh sat in the Patriots' owner's box for the Super Bowl, the most anyone said was booger jokes.
I don't quite know why the NHL punditocracy is reacting differently (my guess is it's because NHL pundits are a little more liberal, since they all live in Canadien or northern U.S. cities are are pretty used to covering a lot of international players), but it's unfortunate. It's actually got a parallel with how the NFL pundit class is treating Giselle right now. In both cases, we've got someone with fame/expertise in one field opining about another. And maybe their opinions are misguided and ill-informed, but no one's really explaining what they're getting wrong, they're all just saying, "LOL, STFU Giselle/Thomas". At this point, the biggest difference is probably that Giselle's never eaten a cheeseburger.
Listen, I know being a progressive sports fan is hard. The big name players are all rich, too many of them are religious, the even-richer owners hold way too many of the cards, the system rewards selfishness way too much, war imagery and rhetoric is far too prevalent, etc. But I think any list of progressive "First Principles" would include a broad view of freedom of speech. And that means that the solution to dumb speech is MORE speech.
In other words, if you, like me, don't like what Thomas said, you need to engage on the issue, not just act like he shouldn't have spoken up. It's harder, but hey, that just means it's more worth it.
Anyway, I guess at some point I had to address Tim Thomas' recent political statements, considering that whenever someone talks to me about the President, they refer to him as "YA BOY, Barack Obama".
(And he IS ma boy, so step to the right, haters. Well, further to the right, if that's possible at this point.)
Now, Thomas' statements are ridiculous. But the proper response to Thomas' dumb statements is to explain why it's dumb (here, I'll start: the birth control "mandate" is not at all about religious freedom- indeed, the Catholic Bishops' position represents an infringement of the religious freedom of employees of Catholic employers, who may not hold the same religious views as the bishops. And the "FIRST THEY CAME!" speech is so cliched, I'm actually asleep right now just from typing the first three words of it). The proper response is NOT to act as if Thomas shouldn't have spoken up at all; indeed, it's better that he DID speak up so that I can keep calling him dumb.
NHL pundits are doing just that, though, trying to silence of dismiss Thomas' statements as not even worth discussing (And yet, they let notorious thought criminal Don Cherry still run free). This isn't just the wrong tactic; it's also pretty weird in the world of sports. Aren't we used to athletes and such saying conservative, or at least libertarian things? When Albert Pujols and Tony La Russa went to some dumb Glen Beck rally, we heard some cosmopolitan Cardinal fans wring their hands (most notably Idol of the Blog Will Leitch), but for the most part, it passed without comment. When Rush Limbaugh sat in the Patriots' owner's box for the Super Bowl, the most anyone said was booger jokes.
I don't quite know why the NHL punditocracy is reacting differently (my guess is it's because NHL pundits are a little more liberal, since they all live in Canadien or northern U.S. cities are are pretty used to covering a lot of international players), but it's unfortunate. It's actually got a parallel with how the NFL pundit class is treating Giselle right now. In both cases, we've got someone with fame/expertise in one field opining about another. And maybe their opinions are misguided and ill-informed, but no one's really explaining what they're getting wrong, they're all just saying, "LOL, STFU Giselle/Thomas". At this point, the biggest difference is probably that Giselle's never eaten a cheeseburger.
Listen, I know being a progressive sports fan is hard. The big name players are all rich, too many of them are religious, the even-richer owners hold way too many of the cards, the system rewards selfishness way too much, war imagery and rhetoric is far too prevalent, etc. But I think any list of progressive "First Principles" would include a broad view of freedom of speech. And that means that the solution to dumb speech is MORE speech.
In other words, if you, like me, don't like what Thomas said, you need to engage on the issue, not just act like he shouldn't have spoken up. It's harder, but hey, that just means it's more worth it.
Super Bowl Post Mortem
The New York Football Giants (and that's the only Berman-ism I can stand) went 9-7 in the regular season this year. Then they won the Super Bowl.
This is, of course, what you get with a single-elimination playoff structure with one game rounds. Sometimes, weird shit is going to happen- a blown call, a QB having a bad day, an ill-timed injury, hell, even bad hops are going to decide some of these games- and thus, some teams' seasons. (The same is true, to some extent, with any playoff system. Baseball's post season has rounds of 5, 7, and 7 games, and they haven't exactly avoided flukey champions).
But y'know what? Playoffs are fun and exciting precisely BECAUSE anything can happen when the stakes are that high. Hell, I figure watching a six seed beat a #1 is one of the divine pleasures of being sports fan (so long as you're closer in sympathy to the #6). So I'm not really interested in relitigating the role of the playoffs; they're fun, we all have fun with 'em, and they make a metric choda-ton of money, they're not going anywhere.
What I'm more interested in is if we're really sure that the Giants were such a mediocre team. Because here's the thing: Yeah, a half dozen playoff games are a lousy amount of data points to determine who the best team is.
But 16 regular season games aren't that much better.
Look at the evidence. The Giants spent the first half of their season plagued by injuries. Justin Tuck. Osi Umenyiora. Most of their defensive corps was banged up until the last few weeks. I'm sure true Giants fans can name a dozen other things- let's just call them X, Y, and Z.
By the time the playoffs rolled around, though, they were healthy again, X, Y, and Z were solved (like in math class!). And perhaps consequently, the Giants started winning some games. In other words, I think it's fair to argue that the Giants' regular season was flukey, and their playoff run was more representative of their skill.
It's kind of fashionable amongst the more nerdy segments of sports fandom (and I consider myself that) to decry playoffs, saying that they're too small a sample size to really tell us who the best teams were. But when you're already working with a small sample, and you've got some reason to doubt some of the results in that sample, aren't ANY more data points good? In other words, aren't their situations where the playoffs don't just obfuscate, but really illuminate?
I guess I'll put it to you guys: were the Giants a mediocre team that got some flukey wins in the playoffs, or did they have a flukey regular season, but became themselves in the playoffs?
Friday, February 10, 2012
Hawks v Sharks the Periodining
11:32 - 2 minutes in and there's a score. It's like the reverse of the first period. Let's hope that trend continues.
11:34 - Having made a big hit, Seabrook will now go back into his hole to wait out the next 6 weeks of winter.
11:36 - Goddamn that was a good save by Niemi. Credit where it is due.
11:38 - Yes, winning fights doesn't = points, but it's nice to see some fucking fire in the belly of some players.
11:40 - On the other hand, it isn't nice to see your fucking goalie traipsing around behind the fucking net.
11:47 - I watch Niemi moving laterally across the net and just think...."man, even 5 year olds can skate better than Crow."
11:48 - And I'm basing that on going to Millenium Park and watching 5 year olds point and laugh at me as I fall and bust my ass. Then they call me a fag n00b and mutter something anti-semitic. Goddamn Halo.
11:50 - To be fair maybe Niemi should play with 2 gloves. His puck handling couldn't be worse.
11:51 - Time for University of Illinois club rules/chants. Less hockey more fighting! Less hockey more fighting!
11:55 - Call me a homer/goalie apologizer, but why the fuck wasn't a d-man putting a goddamn body on that one?
12:02 - Belated joke on that last goal: Rather than letting a forward set up a high tea and asking him if he wants one lump or two, GIVE HIM one lump or two!
12:07 - And there's the whistle. I'm going to continue to wet mine. Night folks!
11:34 - Having made a big hit, Seabrook will now go back into his hole to wait out the next 6 weeks of winter.
11:36 - Goddamn that was a good save by Niemi. Credit where it is due.
11:38 - Yes, winning fights doesn't = points, but it's nice to see some fucking fire in the belly of some players.
11:40 - On the other hand, it isn't nice to see your fucking goalie traipsing around behind the fucking net.
11:47 - I watch Niemi moving laterally across the net and just think...."man, even 5 year olds can skate better than Crow."
11:48 - And I'm basing that on going to Millenium Park and watching 5 year olds point and laugh at me as I fall and bust my ass. Then they call me a fag n00b and mutter something anti-semitic. Goddamn Halo.
11:50 - To be fair maybe Niemi should play with 2 gloves. His puck handling couldn't be worse.
11:51 - Time for University of Illinois club rules/chants. Less hockey more fighting! Less hockey more fighting!
11:55 - Call me a homer/goalie apologizer, but why the fuck wasn't a d-man putting a goddamn body on that one?
12:02 - Belated joke on that last goal: Rather than letting a forward set up a high tea and asking him if he wants one lump or two, GIVE HIM one lump or two!
12:07 - And there's the whistle. I'm going to continue to wet mine. Night folks!
Hawks v Sharks, Period the Second
10:38 - So I think Toews is going to get his helmet knocked off at least once per period.
10:42 - We are just getting beaten physically on both ends this game.
10:48 - Put the puck on net and good things happen.
10:53 - Thank God. Freddy Kruger is my dream and their nightmare.
10:54 - Our play is up and my posts are down. I really am motivated by catty bitchiness.
11:01 - The Ultimate Question: Did someone put something in Crow's water, or the defense's?
11:06 - The fact that if not for a Hawks defenseman that last goal would not have happened says more about that goal than I ever could. Way to sum up this road trip Olsen.
11:14 - Hey how about that...a new One Goal commercial remarking how Q used to be a defenseman. Is that why we're the only team in the NHL that doesn't have a shut out?
10:42 - We are just getting beaten physically on both ends this game.
10:48 - Put the puck on net and good things happen.
10:53 - Thank God. Freddy Kruger is my dream and their nightmare.
10:54 - Our play is up and my posts are down. I really am motivated by catty bitchiness.
11:01 - The Ultimate Question: Did someone put something in Crow's water, or the defense's?
11:06 - The fact that if not for a Hawks defenseman that last goal would not have happened says more about that goal than I ever could. Way to sum up this road trip Olsen.
11:14 - Hey how about that...a new One Goal commercial remarking how Q used to be a defenseman. Is that why we're the only team in the NHL that doesn't have a shut out?
Blackhawks Need a Bigger Boat
9:35 - I'm having a beer with my dad and blogging the Blackhawks after getting back from the Chicago Auto Show where I saw the Blackhawks Camaro. Outside of blowjobs I don't know if life gets much better.
9:36 - Looks like Crow has a new bonnet. I'm assuming this will make him play better. I'm only being 50% snarky. If we get the win tonight I'll be a believer. Hell I might drink my own piss out of it if he gets a shutout.
9:38 - God I miss Niemi.
9:39 - Either Kaner is injured and I'm unaware or he's sobbing into a sorority girl's tits right now that he isn't on the starting line. Every cab driver in San Jose better wear a goalie mask tonight.
9:40 - 4 minutes of power play? Can we just give them a goal now and get 5 back out there?
9:41 - Anyone else see that goal coming like 5 seconds out? Does Crow have sandbags tied to his skates?
9:44 - Yes, thanks for the penalty, but why isn't anyone beating the shit out of Marleau right now?
9:49 - Hey announcers, you aren't Dr. Seuss, stop rhyming. (Dr. Seuss on an angry pussy hunt. Thank you Patton Oswalt)
9:53 - Okay so Kane isn't injured, he just isn't starting. Someone's tatties are soaked in tears.
9:54 - One Shark gets a breakaway against two Blackhawk defenders, and the crowd got excited. I can't blame them given how we've played lately.
9:58 - Glad to see people willing to defend their teammates....unless it's the goalie.
9:59 - Fuck it, let's just all drop gloves and fight.
10:02 - Well that just happened.
10:05 - "25 out of the next 28 games are against playoff teams." Okay, after the 7th time y'all said that it sunk in. Let me also clarify that over half the teams in NHL get into the playoffs. So that may not be the greatest distinction.
10:07 - 53.33333% of NHL teams make the playoffs. Just some clarification.
10:09 - The Sharks just had a short-handed offensive possession. Not a short handed chance, a short-handed possession where they kept it in play without getting offsides and putting shots on goal. Maybe we should play the rest of this game 5 on 4 just to make it entertaining.
10:10 - apparently the refs agree.
10:15 - well I'm glad the announcers have given up on this as a hockey game and have decided to score the fights, boxing style, for the rest of this match up. YAY! How about this: every fight we win we get half a goal. If we win 4 fights can we tie it up?
10:17 - The Hawks escape the 1st period having only given up 2. Join us next thread for more catty bitchiness.
9:36 - Looks like Crow has a new bonnet. I'm assuming this will make him play better. I'm only being 50% snarky. If we get the win tonight I'll be a believer. Hell I might drink my own piss out of it if he gets a shutout.
9:38 - God I miss Niemi.
9:39 - Either Kaner is injured and I'm unaware or he's sobbing into a sorority girl's tits right now that he isn't on the starting line. Every cab driver in San Jose better wear a goalie mask tonight.
9:40 - 4 minutes of power play? Can we just give them a goal now and get 5 back out there?
9:41 - Anyone else see that goal coming like 5 seconds out? Does Crow have sandbags tied to his skates?
9:44 - Yes, thanks for the penalty, but why isn't anyone beating the shit out of Marleau right now?
9:49 - Hey announcers, you aren't Dr. Seuss, stop rhyming. (Dr. Seuss on an angry pussy hunt. Thank you Patton Oswalt)
9:53 - Okay so Kane isn't injured, he just isn't starting. Someone's tatties are soaked in tears.
9:54 - One Shark gets a breakaway against two Blackhawk defenders, and the crowd got excited. I can't blame them given how we've played lately.
9:58 - Glad to see people willing to defend their teammates....unless it's the goalie.
9:59 - Fuck it, let's just all drop gloves and fight.
10:02 - Well that just happened.
10:05 - "25 out of the next 28 games are against playoff teams." Okay, after the 7th time y'all said that it sunk in. Let me also clarify that over half the teams in NHL get into the playoffs. So that may not be the greatest distinction.
10:07 - 53.33333% of NHL teams make the playoffs. Just some clarification.
10:09 - The Sharks just had a short-handed offensive possession. Not a short handed chance, a short-handed possession where they kept it in play without getting offsides and putting shots on goal. Maybe we should play the rest of this game 5 on 4 just to make it entertaining.
10:10 - apparently the refs agree.
10:15 - well I'm glad the announcers have given up on this as a hockey game and have decided to score the fights, boxing style, for the rest of this match up. YAY! How about this: every fight we win we get half a goal. If we win 4 fights can we tie it up?
10:17 - The Hawks escape the 1st period having only given up 2. Join us next thread for more catty bitchiness.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
I'm Just Sayin'...
"Did X win it, or did Y lose it?" is the most obnoxious question in all of sports.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
'DA BIG GAME 2: THE QUICKENING
7:23- OCHOCINCO!
7:26- NBC's director, to Brady, on those still pictures: "Okay Tom, now, I need you to look like the douchiest douche that ever cleaned out a vagina. Aaaaaaaaand GO."
7:32- I don't fucking care what men do, I'm gonna watch the shit out of SMASH.
7:33- I'm still waiting for Madonna to reappear. POOF, SHE'S PLAYING RIGHT TACKLE NOW!
7:38- The Patriots have decided that hurting people is just as good as winning.
7:40- Goddammit Fiat, now I'm gonna get a boner when I see one of those cars.
7:41- BONUS ALTERNATE JOKE FOR THAT COMMERCIAL: That guy is totally gonna pop open the gas tank and fuck it.
7:43- That woman who just head butted Uncle Jesse? LIVING THE FUCKING DREAM.
7:51- Friend of the blog "Zoe" (not to be confused with cat of the blog "Zoey") demands I make fun of Massachusetts more. Which, okay, I understand. But being a Masshole is already punishment enough, what can I add to it?
7:52- Okay, fine, let's find out. "WELKAH! DON'T PAHK YAH CAH IN HAHVAHD YAHD!"
7:53- I really don't have a problem with the Pats, except that there's such a big crossover between Pats fans and Red Sox fans, and I'm sick to my dick of the Red Sox.
7:59- Okay, the way Green-Ellis just kept churning there was pretty bad ass.
8:00- Oh god, a commercial about how football was born in Ohio. Someone check Danny for a buckeye boner right now.
8:01: LOCAL COMMERCIALS! Everyone, tell me what you're seeing. Go ahead, I'll wait.
8:02: Shorter Hardee's (nee, Carl's Jr.) commercial: "WHO CARES IF THE FOOD IS GOOD, THERE'S A LOT OF IT."
8:03- Well, that...that was a poor choice.
8:05- My whiney bullshit aside, this is a pretty exciting game so far.
8:06- Tom Coughlin: Replacement level coach.
8:06- THAT is what you were all bitching about with the Ferris Bueller? It was just boring.
8:09- So, we rewound the DVR during the halftime show. BECAUSE WE LOVE MADONNA SO MUCH. Anyway, turns out I've been about a minute behind this entire thread. I'M SORRY I FAILED YOU.
8:11- "I was saying Cru-urns."
8:13- That commercial only works if you keep all your beer 4 inches off the ground. And if you're willing to make your dog do all your work. And if you like Bud Light. Which you don't, so why are we talking about this?
8:17- Tom Coughlin: Mediocre clock manager.
8:18- Father Coughlin: World Class Demagogue.
8:19- AWWWW YEAH, A MOTHAFUCKIN' HISTORY JOKE.
8:20- That car commercial had an oddly pro-family message. "NO THANKS, RANDOM HOT GIRLS CHEERING ME ON. I'M GONNA GO HANG OUT WITH MY WIFE AND THAT HORSE."
8:21- Wait, was that a dildo?
8:22- Hey, Tom Brady, don't get a safety here. EXPERT FOOTBALL ANALYSIS.
8:23- Does it sound like there's more Giants fans, or is that just me? It's weird, I can't think of a convincing explanation for why either team would have the edge on fans in NAP CITY.
8:26- Bekki: "The Darkness? OH MY GOD, are they coming back?"
Me: "FUCK YOU, BEKKI, THEY NEVER FUCKING LEFT."
8:27- I don't know about you guys, but we believe in a thing called love.
8:29- Hernandez looked like a gay matador in celebrating that first down.
8:30- Ochocinco wouldn't have caught that either, but it woulda been a lot more hilarious.
8:32- Well, this looks eerily familiar.
8:34- Eli's comin', hide your heart, girl.
8:43- Man, pretty hard to locate the funny right now.
8:44- Okay, yeah, that gives Brady a SHOT...but it's still going to be fucking biblical if he can pull this off.
8:46- When you think about it, that was probably a lot harder to stop on the line then it looks. I mean, I bet the guy NEVER practiced that play.
8:47- Manning's "BRING ON THE NOISE!" motion is the least convincing thing I've ever seen.
8:49- Pretty effective, though!
8:50- We're about to have a 9-win Super Bowl champion. WTF.
8:51- THIS IS AN AWESOME END TO THIS FUCKING GAME BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
8:53- Wow, what the god.
8:54- I was marginally rooting for the Pats. But I'm also happy that the guy with Rush Limbaugh in his booth lost. PREVIEW FOR NOVEMBER, CONSERVA-TARDS.
8:55- That's gonna be a wrap for me, folks. If I have anything substantive to say, I'll put it up tomorrow. Until then, BALLS BALLS TITTIES.
8:55- Alright, GOOD SEASON, EVERYONE. RAISES FOR ALL. Let's put a pin in this and meet again in September.
7:26- NBC's director, to Brady, on those still pictures: "Okay Tom, now, I need you to look like the douchiest douche that ever cleaned out a vagina. Aaaaaaaaand GO."
7:32- I don't fucking care what men do, I'm gonna watch the shit out of SMASH.
7:33- I'm still waiting for Madonna to reappear. POOF, SHE'S PLAYING RIGHT TACKLE NOW!
7:38- The Patriots have decided that hurting people is just as good as winning.
7:40- Goddammit Fiat, now I'm gonna get a boner when I see one of those cars.
7:41- BONUS ALTERNATE JOKE FOR THAT COMMERCIAL: That guy is totally gonna pop open the gas tank and fuck it.
7:43- That woman who just head butted Uncle Jesse? LIVING THE FUCKING DREAM.
7:51- Friend of the blog "Zoe" (not to be confused with cat of the blog "Zoey") demands I make fun of Massachusetts more. Which, okay, I understand. But being a Masshole is already punishment enough, what can I add to it?
7:52- Okay, fine, let's find out. "WELKAH! DON'T PAHK YAH CAH IN HAHVAHD YAHD!"
7:53- I really don't have a problem with the Pats, except that there's such a big crossover between Pats fans and Red Sox fans, and I'm sick to my dick of the Red Sox.
7:59- Okay, the way Green-Ellis just kept churning there was pretty bad ass.
8:00- Oh god, a commercial about how football was born in Ohio. Someone check Danny for a buckeye boner right now.
8:01: LOCAL COMMERCIALS! Everyone, tell me what you're seeing. Go ahead, I'll wait.
8:02: Shorter Hardee's (nee, Carl's Jr.) commercial: "WHO CARES IF THE FOOD IS GOOD, THERE'S A LOT OF IT."
8:03- Well, that...that was a poor choice.
8:05- My whiney bullshit aside, this is a pretty exciting game so far.
8:06- Tom Coughlin: Replacement level coach.
8:06- THAT is what you were all bitching about with the Ferris Bueller? It was just boring.
8:09- So, we rewound the DVR during the halftime show. BECAUSE WE LOVE MADONNA SO MUCH. Anyway, turns out I've been about a minute behind this entire thread. I'M SORRY I FAILED YOU.
8:11- "I was saying Cru-urns."
8:13- That commercial only works if you keep all your beer 4 inches off the ground. And if you're willing to make your dog do all your work. And if you like Bud Light. Which you don't, so why are we talking about this?
8:17- Tom Coughlin: Mediocre clock manager.
8:18- Father Coughlin: World Class Demagogue.
8:19- AWWWW YEAH, A MOTHAFUCKIN' HISTORY JOKE.
8:20- That car commercial had an oddly pro-family message. "NO THANKS, RANDOM HOT GIRLS CHEERING ME ON. I'M GONNA GO HANG OUT WITH MY WIFE AND THAT HORSE."
8:21- Wait, was that a dildo?
8:22- Hey, Tom Brady, don't get a safety here. EXPERT FOOTBALL ANALYSIS.
8:23- Does it sound like there's more Giants fans, or is that just me? It's weird, I can't think of a convincing explanation for why either team would have the edge on fans in NAP CITY.
8:26- Bekki: "The Darkness? OH MY GOD, are they coming back?"
Me: "FUCK YOU, BEKKI, THEY NEVER FUCKING LEFT."
8:27- I don't know about you guys, but we believe in a thing called love.
8:29- Hernandez looked like a gay matador in celebrating that first down.
8:30- Ochocinco wouldn't have caught that either, but it woulda been a lot more hilarious.
8:32- Well, this looks eerily familiar.
8:34- Eli's comin', hide your heart, girl.
8:43- Man, pretty hard to locate the funny right now.
8:44- Okay, yeah, that gives Brady a SHOT...but it's still going to be fucking biblical if he can pull this off.
8:46- When you think about it, that was probably a lot harder to stop on the line then it looks. I mean, I bet the guy NEVER practiced that play.
8:47- Manning's "BRING ON THE NOISE!" motion is the least convincing thing I've ever seen.
8:49- Pretty effective, though!
8:50- We're about to have a 9-win Super Bowl champion. WTF.
8:51- THIS IS AN AWESOME END TO THIS FUCKING GAME BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
8:53- Wow, what the god.
8:54- I was marginally rooting for the Pats. But I'm also happy that the guy with Rush Limbaugh in his booth lost. PREVIEW FOR NOVEMBER, CONSERVA-TARDS.
8:55- That's gonna be a wrap for me, folks. If I have anything substantive to say, I'll put it up tomorrow. Until then, BALLS BALLS TITTIES.
8:55- Alright, GOOD SEASON, EVERYONE. RAISES FOR ALL. Let's put a pin in this and meet again in September.
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