Well, this is quite something, isn't it?
I can't blame you if you're surprised; it's not every sport that explicitly encourage physical pain. But I get it if you're not surprised, too; there's an awful lot of sports that try to look the other way at pain.
We the fans certainly complicate matters. We hate to see "head hunting" or "targeting", but we love big hits. We love "giving the other guy something to think about". We love seeing a player rise above the pain. And our list of "Dirtiest Players" often grows one shorter when our team picks up certain guys from free agency. I mean, I've certainly rooted, mostly in jest, for Tim Tebow to break a collarbone, and my opinion of Dan Carcillo certainly changed when his uniform did (though it's back to normal, now that I know he's useless).
There is a difference between enjoying a strong, physical sport and just cold baying for blood, but man, I'll admit that that line is only a molecule thick in some spots. Hockey is instructive here (and as this blog goes on, we'll definitely talk more about that); I really can see a moral difference between checking and fighting. But there's checks and then there's targeting the head. There's fights and then there's scuffles after the whistle. There's a lot of grey area, and I don't envy Brenden Shanahan in sorting all that out.
There's no real bright line rules to guide us in those closer cases, and I can't really propose one here. But maybe I can suggest a frame work to get us thinking about this.
I think the question is intent. If a player is intentionally trying to hurt another, or if any sport or rule explicitly encourages hurting a player (even just to the extent that he's drops the ball or fumbles the pass or misses the puck or whatever) it's suspect. There's still a lot of gray area, and some sports I love are probably implicated. Bt it's a start.
I think it's clear how Ultimate Tazer Ball runs afoul of that standard; the defense's entire means of accomplishing it's goal is physical pain. I know there's only been minor injuries so far, but man, that seems like walking the razor's edge.
Of course, I can only speak to why I wouldn't watch such a sport, and why I would tell other people not to do so, either. As far as participating in it goes, I really have little interest in denying someone their right to fuck up their own body. But as far as we, the fans go...well, at a certain point, we just start to look too much like Romans.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
TIM THOMAS: THE TED NUGENT OF HOCKEY
Fun Fact: Both Tim Thomas and Ted Nugent were born in eastern Michigan. Must be something in Lake Michigan.
Anyway, I guess at some point I had to address Tim Thomas' recent political statements, considering that whenever someone talks to me about the President, they refer to him as "YA BOY, Barack Obama".
(And he IS ma boy, so step to the right, haters. Well, further to the right, if that's possible at this point.)
Now, Thomas' statements are ridiculous. But the proper response to Thomas' dumb statements is to explain why it's dumb (here, I'll start: the birth control "mandate" is not at all about religious freedom- indeed, the Catholic Bishops' position represents an infringement of the religious freedom of employees of Catholic employers, who may not hold the same religious views as the bishops. And the "FIRST THEY CAME!" speech is so cliched, I'm actually asleep right now just from typing the first three words of it). The proper response is NOT to act as if Thomas shouldn't have spoken up at all; indeed, it's better that he DID speak up so that I can keep calling him dumb.
NHL pundits are doing just that, though, trying to silence of dismiss Thomas' statements as not even worth discussing (And yet, they let notorious thought criminal Don Cherry still run free). This isn't just the wrong tactic; it's also pretty weird in the world of sports. Aren't we used to athletes and such saying conservative, or at least libertarian things? When Albert Pujols and Tony La Russa went to some dumb Glen Beck rally, we heard some cosmopolitan Cardinal fans wring their hands (most notably Idol of the Blog Will Leitch), but for the most part, it passed without comment. When Rush Limbaugh sat in the Patriots' owner's box for the Super Bowl, the most anyone said was booger jokes.
I don't quite know why the NHL punditocracy is reacting differently (my guess is it's because NHL pundits are a little more liberal, since they all live in Canadien or northern U.S. cities are are pretty used to covering a lot of international players), but it's unfortunate. It's actually got a parallel with how the NFL pundit class is treating Giselle right now. In both cases, we've got someone with fame/expertise in one field opining about another. And maybe their opinions are misguided and ill-informed, but no one's really explaining what they're getting wrong, they're all just saying, "LOL, STFU Giselle/Thomas". At this point, the biggest difference is probably that Giselle's never eaten a cheeseburger.
Listen, I know being a progressive sports fan is hard. The big name players are all rich, too many of them are religious, the even-richer owners hold way too many of the cards, the system rewards selfishness way too much, war imagery and rhetoric is far too prevalent, etc. But I think any list of progressive "First Principles" would include a broad view of freedom of speech. And that means that the solution to dumb speech is MORE speech.
In other words, if you, like me, don't like what Thomas said, you need to engage on the issue, not just act like he shouldn't have spoken up. It's harder, but hey, that just means it's more worth it.
Anyway, I guess at some point I had to address Tim Thomas' recent political statements, considering that whenever someone talks to me about the President, they refer to him as "YA BOY, Barack Obama".
(And he IS ma boy, so step to the right, haters. Well, further to the right, if that's possible at this point.)
Now, Thomas' statements are ridiculous. But the proper response to Thomas' dumb statements is to explain why it's dumb (here, I'll start: the birth control "mandate" is not at all about religious freedom- indeed, the Catholic Bishops' position represents an infringement of the religious freedom of employees of Catholic employers, who may not hold the same religious views as the bishops. And the "FIRST THEY CAME!" speech is so cliched, I'm actually asleep right now just from typing the first three words of it). The proper response is NOT to act as if Thomas shouldn't have spoken up at all; indeed, it's better that he DID speak up so that I can keep calling him dumb.
NHL pundits are doing just that, though, trying to silence of dismiss Thomas' statements as not even worth discussing (And yet, they let notorious thought criminal Don Cherry still run free). This isn't just the wrong tactic; it's also pretty weird in the world of sports. Aren't we used to athletes and such saying conservative, or at least libertarian things? When Albert Pujols and Tony La Russa went to some dumb Glen Beck rally, we heard some cosmopolitan Cardinal fans wring their hands (most notably Idol of the Blog Will Leitch), but for the most part, it passed without comment. When Rush Limbaugh sat in the Patriots' owner's box for the Super Bowl, the most anyone said was booger jokes.
I don't quite know why the NHL punditocracy is reacting differently (my guess is it's because NHL pundits are a little more liberal, since they all live in Canadien or northern U.S. cities are are pretty used to covering a lot of international players), but it's unfortunate. It's actually got a parallel with how the NFL pundit class is treating Giselle right now. In both cases, we've got someone with fame/expertise in one field opining about another. And maybe their opinions are misguided and ill-informed, but no one's really explaining what they're getting wrong, they're all just saying, "LOL, STFU Giselle/Thomas". At this point, the biggest difference is probably that Giselle's never eaten a cheeseburger.
Listen, I know being a progressive sports fan is hard. The big name players are all rich, too many of them are religious, the even-richer owners hold way too many of the cards, the system rewards selfishness way too much, war imagery and rhetoric is far too prevalent, etc. But I think any list of progressive "First Principles" would include a broad view of freedom of speech. And that means that the solution to dumb speech is MORE speech.
In other words, if you, like me, don't like what Thomas said, you need to engage on the issue, not just act like he shouldn't have spoken up. It's harder, but hey, that just means it's more worth it.
Super Bowl Post Mortem
The New York Football Giants (and that's the only Berman-ism I can stand) went 9-7 in the regular season this year. Then they won the Super Bowl.
This is, of course, what you get with a single-elimination playoff structure with one game rounds. Sometimes, weird shit is going to happen- a blown call, a QB having a bad day, an ill-timed injury, hell, even bad hops are going to decide some of these games- and thus, some teams' seasons. (The same is true, to some extent, with any playoff system. Baseball's post season has rounds of 5, 7, and 7 games, and they haven't exactly avoided flukey champions).
But y'know what? Playoffs are fun and exciting precisely BECAUSE anything can happen when the stakes are that high. Hell, I figure watching a six seed beat a #1 is one of the divine pleasures of being sports fan (so long as you're closer in sympathy to the #6). So I'm not really interested in relitigating the role of the playoffs; they're fun, we all have fun with 'em, and they make a metric choda-ton of money, they're not going anywhere.
What I'm more interested in is if we're really sure that the Giants were such a mediocre team. Because here's the thing: Yeah, a half dozen playoff games are a lousy amount of data points to determine who the best team is.
But 16 regular season games aren't that much better.
Look at the evidence. The Giants spent the first half of their season plagued by injuries. Justin Tuck. Osi Umenyiora. Most of their defensive corps was banged up until the last few weeks. I'm sure true Giants fans can name a dozen other things- let's just call them X, Y, and Z.
By the time the playoffs rolled around, though, they were healthy again, X, Y, and Z were solved (like in math class!). And perhaps consequently, the Giants started winning some games. In other words, I think it's fair to argue that the Giants' regular season was flukey, and their playoff run was more representative of their skill.
It's kind of fashionable amongst the more nerdy segments of sports fandom (and I consider myself that) to decry playoffs, saying that they're too small a sample size to really tell us who the best teams were. But when you're already working with a small sample, and you've got some reason to doubt some of the results in that sample, aren't ANY more data points good? In other words, aren't their situations where the playoffs don't just obfuscate, but really illuminate?
I guess I'll put it to you guys: were the Giants a mediocre team that got some flukey wins in the playoffs, or did they have a flukey regular season, but became themselves in the playoffs?
Friday, February 10, 2012
Hawks v Sharks the Periodining
11:32 - 2 minutes in and there's a score. It's like the reverse of the first period. Let's hope that trend continues.
11:34 - Having made a big hit, Seabrook will now go back into his hole to wait out the next 6 weeks of winter.
11:36 - Goddamn that was a good save by Niemi. Credit where it is due.
11:38 - Yes, winning fights doesn't = points, but it's nice to see some fucking fire in the belly of some players.
11:40 - On the other hand, it isn't nice to see your fucking goalie traipsing around behind the fucking net.
11:47 - I watch Niemi moving laterally across the net and just think...."man, even 5 year olds can skate better than Crow."
11:48 - And I'm basing that on going to Millenium Park and watching 5 year olds point and laugh at me as I fall and bust my ass. Then they call me a fag n00b and mutter something anti-semitic. Goddamn Halo.
11:50 - To be fair maybe Niemi should play with 2 gloves. His puck handling couldn't be worse.
11:51 - Time for University of Illinois club rules/chants. Less hockey more fighting! Less hockey more fighting!
11:55 - Call me a homer/goalie apologizer, but why the fuck wasn't a d-man putting a goddamn body on that one?
12:02 - Belated joke on that last goal: Rather than letting a forward set up a high tea and asking him if he wants one lump or two, GIVE HIM one lump or two!
12:07 - And there's the whistle. I'm going to continue to wet mine. Night folks!
11:34 - Having made a big hit, Seabrook will now go back into his hole to wait out the next 6 weeks of winter.
11:36 - Goddamn that was a good save by Niemi. Credit where it is due.
11:38 - Yes, winning fights doesn't = points, but it's nice to see some fucking fire in the belly of some players.
11:40 - On the other hand, it isn't nice to see your fucking goalie traipsing around behind the fucking net.
11:47 - I watch Niemi moving laterally across the net and just think...."man, even 5 year olds can skate better than Crow."
11:48 - And I'm basing that on going to Millenium Park and watching 5 year olds point and laugh at me as I fall and bust my ass. Then they call me a fag n00b and mutter something anti-semitic. Goddamn Halo.
11:50 - To be fair maybe Niemi should play with 2 gloves. His puck handling couldn't be worse.
11:51 - Time for University of Illinois club rules/chants. Less hockey more fighting! Less hockey more fighting!
11:55 - Call me a homer/goalie apologizer, but why the fuck wasn't a d-man putting a goddamn body on that one?
12:02 - Belated joke on that last goal: Rather than letting a forward set up a high tea and asking him if he wants one lump or two, GIVE HIM one lump or two!
12:07 - And there's the whistle. I'm going to continue to wet mine. Night folks!
Hawks v Sharks, Period the Second
10:38 - So I think Toews is going to get his helmet knocked off at least once per period.
10:42 - We are just getting beaten physically on both ends this game.
10:48 - Put the puck on net and good things happen.
10:53 - Thank God. Freddy Kruger is my dream and their nightmare.
10:54 - Our play is up and my posts are down. I really am motivated by catty bitchiness.
11:01 - The Ultimate Question: Did someone put something in Crow's water, or the defense's?
11:06 - The fact that if not for a Hawks defenseman that last goal would not have happened says more about that goal than I ever could. Way to sum up this road trip Olsen.
11:14 - Hey how about that...a new One Goal commercial remarking how Q used to be a defenseman. Is that why we're the only team in the NHL that doesn't have a shut out?
10:42 - We are just getting beaten physically on both ends this game.
10:48 - Put the puck on net and good things happen.
10:53 - Thank God. Freddy Kruger is my dream and their nightmare.
10:54 - Our play is up and my posts are down. I really am motivated by catty bitchiness.
11:01 - The Ultimate Question: Did someone put something in Crow's water, or the defense's?
11:06 - The fact that if not for a Hawks defenseman that last goal would not have happened says more about that goal than I ever could. Way to sum up this road trip Olsen.
11:14 - Hey how about that...a new One Goal commercial remarking how Q used to be a defenseman. Is that why we're the only team in the NHL that doesn't have a shut out?
Blackhawks Need a Bigger Boat
9:35 - I'm having a beer with my dad and blogging the Blackhawks after getting back from the Chicago Auto Show where I saw the Blackhawks Camaro. Outside of blowjobs I don't know if life gets much better.
9:36 - Looks like Crow has a new bonnet. I'm assuming this will make him play better. I'm only being 50% snarky. If we get the win tonight I'll be a believer. Hell I might drink my own piss out of it if he gets a shutout.
9:38 - God I miss Niemi.
9:39 - Either Kaner is injured and I'm unaware or he's sobbing into a sorority girl's tits right now that he isn't on the starting line. Every cab driver in San Jose better wear a goalie mask tonight.
9:40 - 4 minutes of power play? Can we just give them a goal now and get 5 back out there?
9:41 - Anyone else see that goal coming like 5 seconds out? Does Crow have sandbags tied to his skates?
9:44 - Yes, thanks for the penalty, but why isn't anyone beating the shit out of Marleau right now?
9:49 - Hey announcers, you aren't Dr. Seuss, stop rhyming. (Dr. Seuss on an angry pussy hunt. Thank you Patton Oswalt)
9:53 - Okay so Kane isn't injured, he just isn't starting. Someone's tatties are soaked in tears.
9:54 - One Shark gets a breakaway against two Blackhawk defenders, and the crowd got excited. I can't blame them given how we've played lately.
9:58 - Glad to see people willing to defend their teammates....unless it's the goalie.
9:59 - Fuck it, let's just all drop gloves and fight.
10:02 - Well that just happened.
10:05 - "25 out of the next 28 games are against playoff teams." Okay, after the 7th time y'all said that it sunk in. Let me also clarify that over half the teams in NHL get into the playoffs. So that may not be the greatest distinction.
10:07 - 53.33333% of NHL teams make the playoffs. Just some clarification.
10:09 - The Sharks just had a short-handed offensive possession. Not a short handed chance, a short-handed possession where they kept it in play without getting offsides and putting shots on goal. Maybe we should play the rest of this game 5 on 4 just to make it entertaining.
10:10 - apparently the refs agree.
10:15 - well I'm glad the announcers have given up on this as a hockey game and have decided to score the fights, boxing style, for the rest of this match up. YAY! How about this: every fight we win we get half a goal. If we win 4 fights can we tie it up?
10:17 - The Hawks escape the 1st period having only given up 2. Join us next thread for more catty bitchiness.
9:36 - Looks like Crow has a new bonnet. I'm assuming this will make him play better. I'm only being 50% snarky. If we get the win tonight I'll be a believer. Hell I might drink my own piss out of it if he gets a shutout.
9:38 - God I miss Niemi.
9:39 - Either Kaner is injured and I'm unaware or he's sobbing into a sorority girl's tits right now that he isn't on the starting line. Every cab driver in San Jose better wear a goalie mask tonight.
9:40 - 4 minutes of power play? Can we just give them a goal now and get 5 back out there?
9:41 - Anyone else see that goal coming like 5 seconds out? Does Crow have sandbags tied to his skates?
9:44 - Yes, thanks for the penalty, but why isn't anyone beating the shit out of Marleau right now?
9:49 - Hey announcers, you aren't Dr. Seuss, stop rhyming. (Dr. Seuss on an angry pussy hunt. Thank you Patton Oswalt)
9:53 - Okay so Kane isn't injured, he just isn't starting. Someone's tatties are soaked in tears.
9:54 - One Shark gets a breakaway against two Blackhawk defenders, and the crowd got excited. I can't blame them given how we've played lately.
9:58 - Glad to see people willing to defend their teammates....unless it's the goalie.
9:59 - Fuck it, let's just all drop gloves and fight.
10:02 - Well that just happened.
10:05 - "25 out of the next 28 games are against playoff teams." Okay, after the 7th time y'all said that it sunk in. Let me also clarify that over half the teams in NHL get into the playoffs. So that may not be the greatest distinction.
10:07 - 53.33333% of NHL teams make the playoffs. Just some clarification.
10:09 - The Sharks just had a short-handed offensive possession. Not a short handed chance, a short-handed possession where they kept it in play without getting offsides and putting shots on goal. Maybe we should play the rest of this game 5 on 4 just to make it entertaining.
10:10 - apparently the refs agree.
10:15 - well I'm glad the announcers have given up on this as a hockey game and have decided to score the fights, boxing style, for the rest of this match up. YAY! How about this: every fight we win we get half a goal. If we win 4 fights can we tie it up?
10:17 - The Hawks escape the 1st period having only given up 2. Join us next thread for more catty bitchiness.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
I'm Just Sayin'...
"Did X win it, or did Y lose it?" is the most obnoxious question in all of sports.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
'DA BIG GAME 2: THE QUICKENING
7:23- OCHOCINCO!
7:26- NBC's director, to Brady, on those still pictures: "Okay Tom, now, I need you to look like the douchiest douche that ever cleaned out a vagina. Aaaaaaaaand GO."
7:32- I don't fucking care what men do, I'm gonna watch the shit out of SMASH.
7:33- I'm still waiting for Madonna to reappear. POOF, SHE'S PLAYING RIGHT TACKLE NOW!
7:38- The Patriots have decided that hurting people is just as good as winning.
7:40- Goddammit Fiat, now I'm gonna get a boner when I see one of those cars.
7:41- BONUS ALTERNATE JOKE FOR THAT COMMERCIAL: That guy is totally gonna pop open the gas tank and fuck it.
7:43- That woman who just head butted Uncle Jesse? LIVING THE FUCKING DREAM.
7:51- Friend of the blog "Zoe" (not to be confused with cat of the blog "Zoey") demands I make fun of Massachusetts more. Which, okay, I understand. But being a Masshole is already punishment enough, what can I add to it?
7:52- Okay, fine, let's find out. "WELKAH! DON'T PAHK YAH CAH IN HAHVAHD YAHD!"
7:53- I really don't have a problem with the Pats, except that there's such a big crossover between Pats fans and Red Sox fans, and I'm sick to my dick of the Red Sox.
7:59- Okay, the way Green-Ellis just kept churning there was pretty bad ass.
8:00- Oh god, a commercial about how football was born in Ohio. Someone check Danny for a buckeye boner right now.
8:01: LOCAL COMMERCIALS! Everyone, tell me what you're seeing. Go ahead, I'll wait.
8:02: Shorter Hardee's (nee, Carl's Jr.) commercial: "WHO CARES IF THE FOOD IS GOOD, THERE'S A LOT OF IT."
8:03- Well, that...that was a poor choice.
8:05- My whiney bullshit aside, this is a pretty exciting game so far.
8:06- Tom Coughlin: Replacement level coach.
8:06- THAT is what you were all bitching about with the Ferris Bueller? It was just boring.
8:09- So, we rewound the DVR during the halftime show. BECAUSE WE LOVE MADONNA SO MUCH. Anyway, turns out I've been about a minute behind this entire thread. I'M SORRY I FAILED YOU.
8:11- "I was saying Cru-urns."
8:13- That commercial only works if you keep all your beer 4 inches off the ground. And if you're willing to make your dog do all your work. And if you like Bud Light. Which you don't, so why are we talking about this?
8:17- Tom Coughlin: Mediocre clock manager.
8:18- Father Coughlin: World Class Demagogue.
8:19- AWWWW YEAH, A MOTHAFUCKIN' HISTORY JOKE.
8:20- That car commercial had an oddly pro-family message. "NO THANKS, RANDOM HOT GIRLS CHEERING ME ON. I'M GONNA GO HANG OUT WITH MY WIFE AND THAT HORSE."
8:21- Wait, was that a dildo?
8:22- Hey, Tom Brady, don't get a safety here. EXPERT FOOTBALL ANALYSIS.
8:23- Does it sound like there's more Giants fans, or is that just me? It's weird, I can't think of a convincing explanation for why either team would have the edge on fans in NAP CITY.
8:26- Bekki: "The Darkness? OH MY GOD, are they coming back?"
Me: "FUCK YOU, BEKKI, THEY NEVER FUCKING LEFT."
8:27- I don't know about you guys, but we believe in a thing called love.
8:29- Hernandez looked like a gay matador in celebrating that first down.
8:30- Ochocinco wouldn't have caught that either, but it woulda been a lot more hilarious.
8:32- Well, this looks eerily familiar.
8:34- Eli's comin', hide your heart, girl.
8:43- Man, pretty hard to locate the funny right now.
8:44- Okay, yeah, that gives Brady a SHOT...but it's still going to be fucking biblical if he can pull this off.
8:46- When you think about it, that was probably a lot harder to stop on the line then it looks. I mean, I bet the guy NEVER practiced that play.
8:47- Manning's "BRING ON THE NOISE!" motion is the least convincing thing I've ever seen.
8:49- Pretty effective, though!
8:50- We're about to have a 9-win Super Bowl champion. WTF.
8:51- THIS IS AN AWESOME END TO THIS FUCKING GAME BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
8:53- Wow, what the god.
8:54- I was marginally rooting for the Pats. But I'm also happy that the guy with Rush Limbaugh in his booth lost. PREVIEW FOR NOVEMBER, CONSERVA-TARDS.
8:55- That's gonna be a wrap for me, folks. If I have anything substantive to say, I'll put it up tomorrow. Until then, BALLS BALLS TITTIES.
8:55- Alright, GOOD SEASON, EVERYONE. RAISES FOR ALL. Let's put a pin in this and meet again in September.
7:26- NBC's director, to Brady, on those still pictures: "Okay Tom, now, I need you to look like the douchiest douche that ever cleaned out a vagina. Aaaaaaaaand GO."
7:32- I don't fucking care what men do, I'm gonna watch the shit out of SMASH.
7:33- I'm still waiting for Madonna to reappear. POOF, SHE'S PLAYING RIGHT TACKLE NOW!
7:38- The Patriots have decided that hurting people is just as good as winning.
7:40- Goddammit Fiat, now I'm gonna get a boner when I see one of those cars.
7:41- BONUS ALTERNATE JOKE FOR THAT COMMERCIAL: That guy is totally gonna pop open the gas tank and fuck it.
7:43- That woman who just head butted Uncle Jesse? LIVING THE FUCKING DREAM.
7:51- Friend of the blog "Zoe" (not to be confused with cat of the blog "Zoey") demands I make fun of Massachusetts more. Which, okay, I understand. But being a Masshole is already punishment enough, what can I add to it?
7:52- Okay, fine, let's find out. "WELKAH! DON'T PAHK YAH CAH IN HAHVAHD YAHD!"
7:53- I really don't have a problem with the Pats, except that there's such a big crossover between Pats fans and Red Sox fans, and I'm sick to my dick of the Red Sox.
7:59- Okay, the way Green-Ellis just kept churning there was pretty bad ass.
8:00- Oh god, a commercial about how football was born in Ohio. Someone check Danny for a buckeye boner right now.
8:01: LOCAL COMMERCIALS! Everyone, tell me what you're seeing. Go ahead, I'll wait.
8:02: Shorter Hardee's (nee, Carl's Jr.) commercial: "WHO CARES IF THE FOOD IS GOOD, THERE'S A LOT OF IT."
8:03- Well, that...that was a poor choice.
8:05- My whiney bullshit aside, this is a pretty exciting game so far.
8:06- Tom Coughlin: Replacement level coach.
8:06- THAT is what you were all bitching about with the Ferris Bueller? It was just boring.
8:09- So, we rewound the DVR during the halftime show. BECAUSE WE LOVE MADONNA SO MUCH. Anyway, turns out I've been about a minute behind this entire thread. I'M SORRY I FAILED YOU.
8:11- "I was saying Cru-urns."
8:13- That commercial only works if you keep all your beer 4 inches off the ground. And if you're willing to make your dog do all your work. And if you like Bud Light. Which you don't, so why are we talking about this?
8:17- Tom Coughlin: Mediocre clock manager.
8:18- Father Coughlin: World Class Demagogue.
8:19- AWWWW YEAH, A MOTHAFUCKIN' HISTORY JOKE.
8:20- That car commercial had an oddly pro-family message. "NO THANKS, RANDOM HOT GIRLS CHEERING ME ON. I'M GONNA GO HANG OUT WITH MY WIFE AND THAT HORSE."
8:21- Wait, was that a dildo?
8:22- Hey, Tom Brady, don't get a safety here. EXPERT FOOTBALL ANALYSIS.
8:23- Does it sound like there's more Giants fans, or is that just me? It's weird, I can't think of a convincing explanation for why either team would have the edge on fans in NAP CITY.
8:26- Bekki: "The Darkness? OH MY GOD, are they coming back?"
Me: "FUCK YOU, BEKKI, THEY NEVER FUCKING LEFT."
8:27- I don't know about you guys, but we believe in a thing called love.
8:29- Hernandez looked like a gay matador in celebrating that first down.
8:30- Ochocinco wouldn't have caught that either, but it woulda been a lot more hilarious.
8:32- Well, this looks eerily familiar.
8:34- Eli's comin', hide your heart, girl.
8:43- Man, pretty hard to locate the funny right now.
8:44- Okay, yeah, that gives Brady a SHOT...but it's still going to be fucking biblical if he can pull this off.
8:46- When you think about it, that was probably a lot harder to stop on the line then it looks. I mean, I bet the guy NEVER practiced that play.
8:47- Manning's "BRING ON THE NOISE!" motion is the least convincing thing I've ever seen.
8:49- Pretty effective, though!
8:50- We're about to have a 9-win Super Bowl champion. WTF.
8:51- THIS IS AN AWESOME END TO THIS FUCKING GAME BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
8:53- Wow, what the god.
8:54- I was marginally rooting for the Pats. But I'm also happy that the guy with Rush Limbaugh in his booth lost. PREVIEW FOR NOVEMBER, CONSERVA-TARDS.
8:55- That's gonna be a wrap for me, folks. If I have anything substantive to say, I'll put it up tomorrow. Until then, BALLS BALLS TITTIES.
8:55- Alright, GOOD SEASON, EVERYONE. RAISES FOR ALL. Let's put a pin in this and meet again in September.
'DA BIG GAME
5:35- Okay, we're a little late in starting, but we're gonna make up for it with extra hating on Massholes.
5:36- And Madonna. Seriously, WTF NFL OMGBBQ?
5:37- My hosts' TV is fucking balla. I can actually see the stink of Giselle's vagina coming off of Brady's crotch.
5:39- Budweiser, I'm not sure a song about Kanye West's mounting self-loathing is the best way to sell your new beer. But Bud Platium does sound like the best drink for a toast to the douchebags.
5:40- I really like the fat guy sitting next to Giselle just to explain sport to her.
5:41- HOLY SHIT, A SAFETY ALREADY. Friends of the blog will understand that this is already my favorite Super Bowl since the one where I ended up on a table top wearing a bear mask.
5:42- Upon further reflection, I can only HOPE that that was Super Bowl.
5:43- Pepsi, that was just the dumbest shit ever.
5:45- I'm eating Devilled eggs and not sharing, Ron Swanson style. My host has provided fridge space.
5:50- THAT is some amatuer hour shit, Patriots.
5:51- Victor Cruz, borrowing his name from the villain in every mid-90s Jean Claude Van Damme movie, pulls in a catch for our first legit score. 8-0 New York Football Giants.
5:52- HOLY SHIT, THE P.A.T. WAS GOOD!
5:56- Alright, I lied that Chevy commercial (Even though Chevys are built in horseshit RTW states). But um...what's gonna happen when those guys get horny?
5:59- Wes Welker leads the league in affection from commentators who are afraid of black guys.
6:06- Some kicker does his thing and the Pats are on the board. 9-3 Gernts.
6:11- Shorter Chris Collinsworth: "Ah ha ha ha ha, I just love these grown men taking permanent damage. AH HA HA HA HA."
6:14- Goddammit Volkswagon, now you're just gonna give my pets body image issues.
6:20- I swear to god, the second quarter of every NFL game is 45 minutes long.
6:29- Tom Coughlin is a perfectly adequate professional football coach.
6:33- After that penalty, Bill Bellicek has the wry smile of a man who is going to murder many hookers with many chicken bones.
6:36- I'm like, 65% certain that a Super Bowl commercial just explained an oral sex principal to us all. JOKE'S ON YOU, SUPER BOWL. I DIDN'T NEED TO BE TOLD THAT. I'M MARRIED, ORAL SEX ISN'T AN OPTION ANYWAY!
6:39- Brady, in the huddle: "YOU AND YOU! STOP BEING SHITTY!"
6:44- Goddammit, people. I thought we all agreed that G.I. Joe movies were mistakes. We were just going to extract the redhead, and bomb the rest. What happened?
6:45- The name "Woodhead"? Never not funny.
6:48- Brady: "I AM THE BRADY GOD! YOU SHALL WORSHIP NO OTHER BRADIES BEFORE ME!"
6:51- And that's half time! Here comes Madonna! Thanks, Geritol!
6:54- Bob Costas: "As you can see, it's kind of dark behind me, 'cause no one wants to fucking look at Madonna anymore."
6:57- Deadspin caught Rush Limbaugh picking his nose. LIBRUL MEDIA! I HOPE HE FAILS! WE SHOULDA JUST TRADED THE 2012 ELECTION FOR DRAFT PICKS!
7:00- We're watching a friends' demo video, so I can't make fun of the Indiana tourism commercial. Someone fill in for me?
7:06- Nothing says NFL football like a guy doing gymnastics moves in a toga.
7:07- This is violating the first tenant of Super Bowl Half Time Law: Don't make your father think about shit.
7:09- Why was Madonna laying down? Was she tired already?
7:09- "Every record sounds the same." Yes, agreed, Madonna. Stop doing that.
7:11- These nuns aren't nearly slutty enough.
7:12- OTOH, that's some real complex choreography they got going on there. "Sway back and forth. Swing your arms, but just a bit! PERFECT. THAT'S FUCKING ART."
7:13- Cee Lo looks like the first Defense Against the Dark Arts minister who gets to stay on because Voldemort's curse is broken. Or because of Affirmative Action. One of the two.
7:14- I'll bitch about my penis aches for as long as I want, but "Like a Prayer" really is a solid pop song.
7:15- Did she just get frozen in carbonite?
7:20- WHY IS CLINT EASTWOOD GROWLING AT ME ABOUT DETROIT?!?!
7:23- New half means a new thread. BECAUSE YOU EARNED IT.
5:36- And Madonna. Seriously, WTF NFL OMGBBQ?
5:37- My hosts' TV is fucking balla. I can actually see the stink of Giselle's vagina coming off of Brady's crotch.
5:39- Budweiser, I'm not sure a song about Kanye West's mounting self-loathing is the best way to sell your new beer. But Bud Platium does sound like the best drink for a toast to the douchebags.
5:40- I really like the fat guy sitting next to Giselle just to explain sport to her.
5:41- HOLY SHIT, A SAFETY ALREADY. Friends of the blog will understand that this is already my favorite Super Bowl since the one where I ended up on a table top wearing a bear mask.
5:42- Upon further reflection, I can only HOPE that that was Super Bowl.
5:43- Pepsi, that was just the dumbest shit ever.
5:45- I'm eating Devilled eggs and not sharing, Ron Swanson style. My host has provided fridge space.
5:50- THAT is some amatuer hour shit, Patriots.
5:51- Victor Cruz, borrowing his name from the villain in every mid-90s Jean Claude Van Damme movie, pulls in a catch for our first legit score. 8-0 New York Football Giants.
5:52- HOLY SHIT, THE P.A.T. WAS GOOD!
5:56- Alright, I lied that Chevy commercial (Even though Chevys are built in horseshit RTW states). But um...what's gonna happen when those guys get horny?
5:59- Wes Welker leads the league in affection from commentators who are afraid of black guys.
6:06- Some kicker does his thing and the Pats are on the board. 9-3 Gernts.
6:11- Shorter Chris Collinsworth: "Ah ha ha ha ha, I just love these grown men taking permanent damage. AH HA HA HA HA."
6:14- Goddammit Volkswagon, now you're just gonna give my pets body image issues.
6:20- I swear to god, the second quarter of every NFL game is 45 minutes long.
6:29- Tom Coughlin is a perfectly adequate professional football coach.
6:33- After that penalty, Bill Bellicek has the wry smile of a man who is going to murder many hookers with many chicken bones.
6:36- I'm like, 65% certain that a Super Bowl commercial just explained an oral sex principal to us all. JOKE'S ON YOU, SUPER BOWL. I DIDN'T NEED TO BE TOLD THAT. I'M MARRIED, ORAL SEX ISN'T AN OPTION ANYWAY!
6:39- Brady, in the huddle: "YOU AND YOU! STOP BEING SHITTY!"
6:44- Goddammit, people. I thought we all agreed that G.I. Joe movies were mistakes. We were just going to extract the redhead, and bomb the rest. What happened?
6:45- The name "Woodhead"? Never not funny.
6:48- Brady: "I AM THE BRADY GOD! YOU SHALL WORSHIP NO OTHER BRADIES BEFORE ME!"
6:51- And that's half time! Here comes Madonna! Thanks, Geritol!
6:54- Bob Costas: "As you can see, it's kind of dark behind me, 'cause no one wants to fucking look at Madonna anymore."
6:57- Deadspin caught Rush Limbaugh picking his nose. LIBRUL MEDIA! I HOPE HE FAILS! WE SHOULDA JUST TRADED THE 2012 ELECTION FOR DRAFT PICKS!
7:00- We're watching a friends' demo video, so I can't make fun of the Indiana tourism commercial. Someone fill in for me?
7:06- Nothing says NFL football like a guy doing gymnastics moves in a toga.
7:07- This is violating the first tenant of Super Bowl Half Time Law: Don't make your father think about shit.
7:09- Why was Madonna laying down? Was she tired already?
7:09- "Every record sounds the same." Yes, agreed, Madonna. Stop doing that.
7:11- These nuns aren't nearly slutty enough.
7:12- OTOH, that's some real complex choreography they got going on there. "Sway back and forth. Swing your arms, but just a bit! PERFECT. THAT'S FUCKING ART."
7:13- Cee Lo looks like the first Defense Against the Dark Arts minister who gets to stay on because Voldemort's curse is broken. Or because of Affirmative Action. One of the two.
7:14- I'll bitch about my penis aches for as long as I want, but "Like a Prayer" really is a solid pop song.
7:15- Did she just get frozen in carbonite?
7:20- WHY IS CLINT EASTWOOD GROWLING AT ME ABOUT DETROIT?!?!
7:23- New half means a new thread. BECAUSE YOU EARNED IT.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Dan Wolken and The Big Lie
Dan Wolken had a recent column which got attention even on PTI regarding moving the start of the college basketball season so as to avoid being overshadowed by other sports.
http://www.thedaily.com/page/2012/01/29/012912-sports-wolken-column-hoops-1-3/
I have no complaints with the merits of Dan's argument. March vs May Madness doesn't initially strike me as heresy, and I might actually pay more attention to college b-ball once bowl season is over (which might actually improve my performance on my brackets, having actually seen some of these teams play).
My issue here is what Dan is perceiving as the problem: that college basketball is being overshadowed. That attendance is down, that viewership is down, that no one is talking about the sport because they are too busy talking about the NFL and the NBA.
WHY IS THIS A BAD THING?
We're told over and over that these kids are "student athletes", that this isn't a professional sport, and they aren't professional athletes, so they don't deserve compensation for their performance over the education they receive. These are schools, after all, and the education should be the principal focus. If that's truly the case, then why are we complaining that a college sport that exists only to further the education of its participants is being overshadowed by the professional sports that this is not. ZOMG! PROFESSIONAL BASKETBALL IS MORE POPULAR THAN NON-PROFESSIONAL BASKETBALL! Isn't that how it's supposed to work? If 5 people watch a college game vs 50,000 people watching the game, those kids get the same compensation: a scholarship and a dorm room with access to a cafeteria. If they are only there to play for an education, there doesn't need to be a single tv camera in the building, not even public access.
http://www.thedaily.com/page/2012/01/29/012912-sports-wolken-column-hoops-1-3/
I have no complaints with the merits of Dan's argument. March vs May Madness doesn't initially strike me as heresy, and I might actually pay more attention to college b-ball once bowl season is over (which might actually improve my performance on my brackets, having actually seen some of these teams play).
My issue here is what Dan is perceiving as the problem: that college basketball is being overshadowed. That attendance is down, that viewership is down, that no one is talking about the sport because they are too busy talking about the NFL and the NBA.
WHY IS THIS A BAD THING?
We're told over and over that these kids are "student athletes", that this isn't a professional sport, and they aren't professional athletes, so they don't deserve compensation for their performance over the education they receive. These are schools, after all, and the education should be the principal focus. If that's truly the case, then why are we complaining that a college sport that exists only to further the education of its participants is being overshadowed by the professional sports that this is not. ZOMG! PROFESSIONAL BASKETBALL IS MORE POPULAR THAN NON-PROFESSIONAL BASKETBALL! Isn't that how it's supposed to work? If 5 people watch a college game vs 50,000 people watching the game, those kids get the same compensation: a scholarship and a dorm room with access to a cafeteria. If they are only there to play for an education, there doesn't need to be a single tv camera in the building, not even public access.
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